Encyclopedia of Humor

Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract’s sick-leave provisions.

One morning at the bargaining table, the company’s chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, “This man,” he announced, “called in sick yesterday!”

There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.

The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator.
“Wow,” he said. “Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn’t been sick!”

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following four elements:
Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery.

The prize-winning essay read:
“My God,” said the Queen. “I’m pregnant. I wonder who did it?”

A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he’s very curious as to who might show up.

When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past.

“How have you been?” he asks.
“I’ve been fine, just fine,” she replies, “Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though.”

“Bad news first, please.”

“Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy.”
“Oh my, that’s too bad. I’m sorry to hear that.”

“But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!”

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock”, the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch”, the man said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall…
“KNOCK IT OFF, YOU IDIOT! It’s two o’clock in the morning!

A guy goes in to apply at the U.S. Postal Service for a job.

During the interview, the interviewer asks the guy if he is a veteran. The guy says “Yes, I fought over in Vietnam.”

Then the interviewer asks if the guy has any disabilities.
The guy responds, “Well, I stepped on a land mine over there and blew my testicles off.”

“Great!,” responds the interviewer… we give disabled Vet preference. “You can start tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.”

“But doesn’t everyone normally start at 8 a.m.?”, asks the guy.

“Yes, but you don’t have to come in until 10…
All we do is just stand around and scratch our balls for the first two hours anyway!”