Encyclopedia of Humor

A Geography teacher stands in front of a map of the world.

Geography Teacher: Tony, can you tell me where in the world America is placed on this map?

Tony shows him America.

Geography Teacher: Now, Lisa, can you tell me the name of the guy who discovered America?

Lisa: Tony just did!!

Dear Dad, $chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Love, Your $on.

Dear Son, I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh. Love, Dad

A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault.

He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: “Our deepest sympathy.”

But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, “Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn’t come too.”

A few weeks before Christmas a very modest lady applied for a job at the factory where they made “Tickle Me Elmo” dolls.

It was Friday and almost quitting time and hurriedly the boss told her to report for work on Monday. He quickly explained to her she would be stationed on the assembly line just before the dolls were packed into boxes.

On Monday they started up the line and within twenty minutes had to shut it down because one worker couldn’t keep up. The boss went down the line to find the problem. The new employee was very busy trying to do her part, but she had a bunch of dolls waiting for her. Closer examination showed she was sewing little cloth bags containing two walnuts in the appropriate place on the dolls.

The boss could not control his laughter and said, “Lady, I said to give each doll Two —- “Test” —- Tickles.

A man walks in for a sale rep job. He is very qualitfied, but he has a nervous twitch, and his left eye is always winking.

So he speaks with the manager and the manager says, “Well sir, you are very well qualified for the job, but people have to be comfortable around a sales rep. and that eye thing is really freaky.”

The man smiles and says,”Oh that, I just take some Tylenol and it goes away.” So the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out a condom, he takes several more condoms out and finally finds some Tylenol. He takes two Tylenol and the eye twitch goes away.

The manager frowns, “Sir, I’m sorry but our company does not like womanizers. I don’t like the look of all those condoms.”

The man chuckles, “Oh, I’m no womanizer… but do you know how hard it is to buy Tylenol at a drug store with your eye contantly winking?”