Encyclopedia of Humor

Q: Why didn’t the sanitary pads say hello to the Tampax?

A: Because the Tampax were stuck-up cunts!

5 Good Reasons not to be a Penis!

1. You’re bald your entire life.
2. You have a hole in your head.
3. You live between two nuts.
4. An asshole lives behind you.
5. When you get excited, you throw up and then you faint.

A couple hobbled into a Washington (state) emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his around his waist, and the woman had hers around her head.

They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner. Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man.

While in the act she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man’s penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go….YEEOOOOOOOUCH!

This guy walks into a bar and two steps in realizes it’s a gay bar, but decides, “What the heck, I really want a drink.”

When the gay waiter approaches he says to the guy, “What’s the name of your penis?”
Guy: Look, I’m not into any of that. All I want is a drink.
Waiter:I’m sorry, but I can’t serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called ‘Nike” for the slogan ‘Just Do It’ That guy down at the end of the bar calls his ‘Snickers’ because ‘It Really Satisfies’.

The guy looks dumbfounded, so the waiter says he’ll give him a couple of minutes to think it over. So the guy turns to the man on his left and asks, “Hey, bud, what’s the name of your penis?”
Other customer: Timex!
First guy: Why Timex?
Other guy: Because it takes a lickin and keeps on tickin!

A little shaken, he turns to the guy on his right.
First guy:What’s the name of your penis?
Second guy: Ford! Because quality is job #1! Have you driven a Ford lately?

Even more shaken, he thinks a little more and finally thinks of a name for his penis.
Guy: Bartender! The name of my penis is “Secret’!
Waiter: (pouring beer) Why ‘Secret’?
Guy:(proudly) Because it’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!

What has 3 balls and comes from outer space?

ET – The extra testicle!