Encyclopedia of Humor

Limmerick of the Day:

There once was a girl from Wenatch, She tried to get it on with a match, She got so excited, The damn thing ignited, And burned all the hair off her snatch!

After a hot, hard day’s work Joe went into a bar to quench his thirst. He walked up to the bar and asked the bartender for a beer.

The bartender replied “There’s one thing every man has to do here before getting served. You have to tell me the name of your penis.”

Joe thought it was a bit silly and asked the bartender what he named his. The bartender said ” I named mine Nike…like you know…just go for it!”

So he thought about it for a few minutes then said ” I got one…Secret.” The bartender said “Why Secret?” Joe said “Well…it’s strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.”

There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can’t please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn’t found a lady yet who likes it and he can’t get any pleasure.

She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog. When he finds the frog, he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches.

He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks “frog, will you marry me?” The frog says “no” And his prick shrinks five inches. The guys thinks to himself, “Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it’s still too big.” So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: “Frog, will you marry me?” Frog: “No, I won’t marry you.”

The guys dick shrinks another five inches. But that’s still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: “Frog, will you marry me?”

Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!!

Confucious say:

Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wake up with smelly finger.

One day, a man with no arms walked into the bathroom. Another man that was in there, asked, “I don’t mean to be rude sir, but how to you go to the bathroom with no arms?”

The guys with no arms replied, “Well I need a little help, could you unzip my pants?”
The other guys reluctantly says, “sure”.

The guy with no arms says, “I need a little more help than that, I need some aim.
Would you mind?”

The guy, very reluctant to do it this time said, “Sure, I guess”.
When the guy pulled out the mans penis, there was red pustules and blisters and hair all over it. The man preceded to help the man out.

When the man with no arms was finished. The other man asked him,
“I don’t mean to be rude, but what was all over your penis?”

The man then replied, as he pulled his arms out his shirt, -
“I don’t know but I sure as hell ain’t touching it!”