Encyclopedia of Humor

A hospital patient, recovering from minor surgery, was being given an alcohol rubdown by two of the hospital’s more attractive nurses.

While manipulating the man’s body they noted that the word “tiny” was tattooed on the head of his penis.

Some months after the man’s discharge, Mary, one of the nurses, tod Joan, the other, that she had dated their former patient.
“How could you go out with a man that had ‘tiny’ tattooed on his love stick?” exclaimed Joan.

“How could I indeed!” said Mary. “It said ‘tiny’ when it was soft, but when aroused, it spelled:
‘Tiny’s Delicatessen & Catering Service. We deliver at all times, twenty-four hours a day!!!’”

How do you make 5 lbs. of fat attractive? Put a nipple on it.

A chicken and a horse were playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him to safety. The chicken runs to the farmer but the farmer cannot be found. So she drives the farmer’s BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to her friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking.

A few days later the chicken and the horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, ‘No, I think I can stand over the hole’. So he stretched his legs over the width of the hole and said, ‘grab for my ‘thingy’ and pull yourself up’. So the chicken grabbed hold of the horse’s “thingy” and pulled herself to safety.

The moral of the story: If you’re hung like a horse, you don’t need a BMW to pick up chicks!

Confucious say…

All who fly upside-down have crack up.

He who stand on toilet high on pot.

He who shits brick has square hole.

Fly who sit on toilet seat get pissed off.

To: All Male U.S. Citizens From: I.R.S. Service Center Re: Notice of increase in tax payments The only thing that the I.R.S. has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of that, it has 2 dependants and they are both nuts.

Effective January 1, 2006 your penis will be taxed according to size.

——- The categories are as follows: ——- 10 – 12 inches…….Luxury Tax $
30.00 8 -
10……………Pole Tax $
25.00 5 -
8…………….Privilege Tax $
15.00 4 -
5…………….Nuisance Tax $
3.00

Males exceeding 12″ must file a capital gains return. NOTE: Anyone under 4″ is eligible for a refund. PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION! ���������������������������������� � � � � � � � � � � � � � � � Sincerely, Pecker Checker I.R.S