Encyclopedia of Humor

What did the whale say to the dolphin when he pushed him??? I didn’t do it on porpoise!!!

Bill Clinton and Al Gore go into a local diner for lunch.

As they read the menu, the waitress comes over and asks Clinton,
“Are you ready to order?” Clinton replies, “Yes, I’d like a
quickie!”

“A quickie?!?” the waitress replies. “Sir, given the past
situation of your personal life I don’t think that is a good idea.
I’ll come back when you are ready to order from the menu!” She walks
away.

Gore leans over to Clinton and says, “It’s pronounced Quiche.”

Possible titles for Monica Lewinsky’s new book

1. I Suck At My Job

2. What Really Goes Down In The White House

3. How I Blew It In Washington

4. You Have to Work Hard to Find the Softer Side of the President

5. Clear and Present Boner

6. Testing the Limits of the Gag Rule

7. Going Back for Gore

8. Podium Girl

9. Secret Services to the President

10. Harass is Not Two Words: The Story of Bill Clinton

11. Deep Inside The Oval Office

12. The Congressional Study on White House Intern Positions

13. She’s Chief of MY Staff!

14. Al Gore Is In Command For The Next 30 Minutes

15. How To Beat Off the Government

16. Going Down and Moving Up

17. Members of the Presidential Cabinet

18. Me and My Big Mouth

19. How To Get Ahead in Business

Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.

Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?
A: The President after Bush.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.

Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?
A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”

Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?
A: All pants half off.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?
A: They both blew the big one several times.

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?
A: The Executive Branch.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?
A: They both have slots which say “Insert Bill” here.”

Whats the difference between Bill Clinton & J.F.K?

One got his head blown off in the back of a limousine & the other got assasinated.