Encyclopedia of Humor

A rabbit one day managed to break free from the laboratory where he had been born and brought up.As he scurried away from the fencing of the compound, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking for the first time in his life. ‘Wow, this is great,’ he thought.

It wasn’t long before he came to a hedge and, after squeezing under it he saw a wonderful sight lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass.

“Hey,” he called. “I’m a rabbit from the laboratory and I’ve just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?”
“Yes. Come and join us,” they cried.

Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. I tasted so good. “What else do you wild rabbits do?” he asked.

“Well,” one of them said. “You see that field there? It’s got carrots growing in it. We dig them up and eat them.”

This, he couldn’t resist and he spent the next hour eating the most succulent carrots. They were wonderful.

Later, he asked them again, “What else do you do?”

“You see that field there? It’s got lettuce growing in it. We eat them as well.”

The lettuce tasted just as good and he returned a while later completely full. “Is there anything else you guys do?” he asked.

One of the other rabbits came a bit closer to him and spoke softly.
“There’s one other thing you must try. You see those rabbits there, “he said, pointing to the far corner of the field. “They’re girls. We shag them. Go and try it.”

Well, our friend spent the rest of the morning shagging his little heart out until, completely spent, he staggered back over to the guys.
“That was fantastic,” he panted.

“So are you going to live with us then?” one of them asked.
“I’m sorry, I had a great time but I can’t.”

The wild rabbits all stared at him, a bit surprised. “Why? We thought you liked it here.”

“I do,” our friend replied. “But I must get back to the laboratory. I’m dying for a cigarette!”

Tired of boring old dog name like Ruff, Spot, Lassie, etc?
The next time you get a dog, name it: Mypenis
Why, you ask? Well just look at some of the great excuses you can use for school, work, and general conversation!

-I did do my homework but Mypenis ate it!
-Oh no, Mypenis is frothing at the mouth!
-Sorry I’m late. I was playing with Mypenis.
-I’m sorry officer, I didn’t realize I had to keep Mypenis on a leash.
-Mypenis doesn’t come when I call it.
-Mypenis likes to crawl between the legs of guests.
-If Mypenis begs at the dinner table, I just tell it to LAY DOWN!
-I love giving Mypenis a bath, but Mypenis doesn’t like cold water.
-At night, I like to snuggle with Mypenis.
-Mypenis likes it when people pet him.
-Mypenis needs to get more exercise. He weighs over fifty pounds!
-Playing with Mypenis really wears me out.
-Would you like to see a picture of Mypenis?
-Sometimes I wake up, and Mypenis is already active.
-I think Mypenis has a mind of its own.
-I keep a picture of Mypenis in my wallet.
-Whenever I get lost, Mypenis points me in the right direction.
-I think Mypenis is getting old because he won’t get excited anymore. He just plays dead.
-Mypenis got out last night. I think he’s sleeping with the lady next door.
-HELP! Mypenis is lost…can you help me find him?
-Sorry to be driving slow officer, but I was looking for Mypenis.
-Sorry to be driving so fast, officer. I have to take Mypenis to the hospital.
-Mypenis got fleas from the neighbors dog.
-Anytime Mypenis gets too excited, I just scratch him behind the head.
-Please do not feed Mypenis table scraps!
-Do you think you could feed Mypenis while I’m on vacation?
-I have a cat that plays very well with Mypenis.
-When I take Mypenis for a ride in the car, I roll down the window so it can hang it’s head out.

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.

“Oh, my,” exclaimed the lady, “Come on, I’ll clean you!”
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.

She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.

Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.

She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling… Pssssst…”Hey, lady!”

“Yes?” she responded.
“Do you have a Kleenex?” asked the voice from the bushes.

“No, not anymore,” she answered.
“Damn! Have ya’ seen any Ducks?”

What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?

A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth!

Late one night a couple is driving down a country highway and run over an oppossum.

Knowing that mother oppossums often carry babies in their pouch, they decide to check out this poor animal. Sure enough there was a baby, so they decide to rescue it.

They take it into the car and continue down the road. The little oppossum is scared and squirming around like crazy so the wife asks her husband what she should do?

He thinks for a minute and says, ” Well it’s used to being in it’s mother’s pouch. Maybe if you unbutton your jeans, and put it in “there” it will calm down.”

She exclaims, ” I’m not going to do that! That thing is smelly and nasty!”

The husband replies,” Well, why don’t you just hold it’s little nose!”