Encyclopedia of Humor

You call this water WARM?

This is a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Chinese authorities off the coast of Vietnam in South China Sea in October 1980. Presumably a true story.

Chinese: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north to avoid a collision.
Chinese: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
Chinese: No, I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: This is the Aircraft Carrier USS MIDWAY, the second largest ship in the Read More…

Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,
wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose,
still heavily sedated from a difficult, four hour,
surgical procedure. A young blonde student nurse
appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

“Nurse”, he mumbles, from behind the mask. “Are my
testicles black?”

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, Read More…

“Stewardess”
“Yes, Sir?”
“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no window blinds, so I can’t sleep.”
“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”