Encyclopedia of Humor

There were several women sitting around talking at their weekly club meeting.The topic of birth control came up and they started
comparing methods.

The first woman said that she and her husband relied on the pill. It
had been effective for them since they had started using it after
their 4th child was born.

The second woman said that she used the rhythm method. But she hated
having to watch the calendar.

The third woman said that she used condoms, but wished that her
husband would remember to buy them himself.

The fourth woman said
that she and her husband had found the perfect prevention method.
They used the “saucer and pail” method. All ears were opened at that
comment. She went on to explain…. Her husband is shorter than
she, so he stands on a pail whenever they make love, and when his
eyes get as big as saucers, she kicks the pail out from underneath
him.

Three women always hang their laundry out in the backyard. When it rains, however, the laundry always get wet. All the laundry, that is, except for Sophie’s. The other two women wonder why Sophie never has her laundry out on the days that it rains.

So one day, they are all out in the backyard putting their clothes on the line when one of the women says to Sophie, “Say, how come when it rains, your laundry is never out?”

“Well,” says Sophie, “when I wake up in the morning, I look over at Saul. If his penis is hanging over his *right* leg, I know it’s going to be a great day, and I can hang out the wash. If his penis is hanging over his *left* leg, I know it’s going to rain, so I don’t hang out the wash.”

“What if he has an erection?” asks one of the women.

“Honey,” says Sophie, “on a day like *that*, you don’t do the *laundry*!”

There was a hooker with a bunch of other hookers. The police came, and said for all of the girls to line up.

The the hooker’s gramma came and said “Why are all of you girls lined up?”

The girl didn’t want her gramma to know what she did for a living so the girl said “We’re lined up to buy oranges”

The police talked to every girl individually, and when they got to gramma the police said “How do you do it, you’re so old?!?”

Gramma says – “It’s easy, just peel it down and suck it dry!”

One night, at a party, The host asked his guests:

“How many here believe in ghosts?”
Everyone put up their hand.

“How many have seen ghosts?”
A lot of people put up their hand.

“How many have touched a ghost?”
Five people put up their hands

“How many have had sex with a ghost?”
One person put up their hand.

“Well then,” said the host, “why don’t you come up here and tell us all about it.”

The man walked up.

“So, how was your night with the ghost?” asked the host.

“Ghost?” Said the man, “Sorry, I thought you said goat.”

One night, a cabby picked up a nun. While he was driving, the cabby suddenly started to laugh insanely.

“Why are you laughing?” Asked the nun.
“Oh, It’s nothing.” said the cabby.
“No, really.” said the nun “I won’t mind.”

So the Cabby told her:
“Well, It’s really silly but I’ve always had this fantasy of having a blow job done by a nun.”

“Well then, whats your name?” The nun asked
“Robert”
“Are you married?”
“No.”
“Are you christian?”
“Yes.”
“Then Pull into the next alley.”

The cabby was stunned. but he didn’t want to give up this chance so he pulled into the next alley. When they were finished, they returned to the cab.

While driving, the cabby started to cry.
“Why are you crying?” asked the nun
“I’m sorry, I’ve lied.”
“How so?”
“Well, My name is David, I have a wife and three children, and I’m Jewish.”

“Well, I’ve done a bit of lying too…” smiled the nun “My name is George and I’m going to a costume party.”