Encyclopedia of Humor

A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

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Cheese Sandwich $ 1.50
Chicken Sandwich $ 2.50
Hand Job $10.00
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Checking his wallet he finds one single ten dollar bill.
He walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

“Yes?” she inquires with a knowing smile, “can I help you?”

“I was wondering”, whispers the man, “are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?”

“Yes”, she purrs, “indeed I am!”

The man replies “Well go wash your hands, I want a cheese sandwich!”

What do you call an open can of tuna in a Lesbians apartment?

Po-pouri!!!

There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.

The Priest calls the girl and gives her $20 and says, “Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties. It’s not proper to walk around without any panties on.”

The girl goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks where the girl got the money, the girl explained what happened.

Upon hearing how the girl got the money, the mother rushes to her room, whips off her panties, and puts on one of her shortest dresses and runs out to the church.

As soon as the mother sees the priest coming, she begins to walk up the stairs. The priest then notices the lady and calls her down.

The woman not wanting to show that she is expecting anything, walks back to the priest very calmly.

The priest hands the lady $1 and says… “Lady, take this money and for God’s sake, go buy yourself a razor!”

What’s the definition of disgusting?
Your giving your grandmother a kiss and she slips her tongue in.

What’s the definition of weird?
Your having sex with a pregnant woman and something grabs your dick.

What’s the defintion of suspicious?
Two men walk out of the toilet, one’s zipping up his pants and the
other is licking his lips.

Why did Helen Keller go insane?

She tried to read a stucco wall.