Encyclopedia of Humor

There were 4 monkeys in a tree.

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
- It died.

Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- It was tied on to the first monkey.

Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- It got hit by the first two.

Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
- Peer pressure.

A man walks into a doctors office one day with a frog on his head.

He sits down and the doctor says, “What’s the problem?”

The frog says, “Doctor, is there any way you can get this wart off my ass?”

Why do hummingbirds hum?

They forgot the words……

A horse walks into a bar and the bartender says… “Why the long
face?”

A man rushed into the veterinarian’s office carrying his dog, thoroughly distraught. The vet examined the dog’s still, limp body and sadly informed the man that the dog was dead.

Saddened at the loss of his best friend, the man asked the doctor if he could please try one last time to revive the dog. The doctor stepped into his other room and returned with a cat in a wire cage. He set the cage on the examining table and opened the sliding door.

The cat got up, stretched, stepped out of the cage and slowly walked around the dog from head to tail sniffing the body. When it was finished, it looked up at the veterinarian with a �meow�, walked back into the cage and went back to sleep.

The vet looked at the man and said in his best bedside manner, “I’m sorry, but there is nothing I can do.�

Resigned, the man signed and said, “Thanks for trying. How much do I owe you?”

“Three-hundred fifty dollars,” the doctor replied.

“Thr . . . thr . . .three-hundred fif-fif-fifty bucks to tell me my dog is dead!” the man stammered.

“Well, it was only $50 for the office visit. The other $300 is for the CAT scan.”