Encyclopedia of Humor

If ever you want to annoy someone who annoys you, just say this punchline to a friend as you’re walking by the annoying someone.

Repeat this ritual (making sure the annoyance can hear you) constantly, but never tell the annoying someone the rest of the joke.

It will eventually drive them slightly insane!

The punchline is: “And then the president said, “But that’s not *my* duck!”

What really is the rest of the joke? In your dreams, baby!

Q.) How many cochroaches does it take to turn on a light?

A.) No one knows…when the light comes on they all scatter!

Once upon a time, there was a non-conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter.

However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time, ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen.

A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But, the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds.
The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story:

1. Everyone who craps on you is not necessarily your enemy.

2. Everyone who gets you out of the crap is not necessarily your friend.

3. And, if you’re warm and happy in a pile of crap, keep your mouth shut.

What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?

“Dam.”

What did one lesbian frog say to the other lesbian frog?

MMmmmm, tastes like chicken!