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THIS IS A FLAME

Dear

[x] dork [ ] dummy [ ] ignorant snot [ ] stupid [ ] nerd [ ] Elvis
[x] idiot[ ] computer geek [ ] retard [ ] sycophant [ ] Samuel Stoddard

You are being flamed because

[x] you continued a boring useless stupid thread
[x] you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
[ ] you posted a “test”
[ ] you used vi and left a whole bunch of editing garbage on the screen
[ ] you posted a request for an article which was posted three times in the
past week
[ ] you claimed to have the original GGBJ
[ ] you posted some sort of religious junk that doesn’t belong in this group
[x] you posted an article that was not funny, unoriginal and very boring
[x] your mother dresses you funny

To recant, you must

[x] actually post a humorous article
[ ] give up all your worldly possessions and become a Tibetan monk
[ ] hang yourself by the big toe for 72 hours
[x] abstain from sex for a month (shouldn’t be too hard for you)
[ ] shave your head, paint a target on it, and go to Iraq
[ ] give your MP (Congressman in U.S.A., I guess) a donation of three hemp
plants to decorate his office
[ ] become politically correct and demand that manholes be renamed to
peroffspringopenings
[ ] cut your testicles (or breasts, if you’re a woman) off
[ ] _________________________________________________

Thank you for the time you have taken to read this, and please detest from
the offending behavior that led to this flame. Also, GO AWAY!

END FLAME

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Two men walked into a bar.

You would think at least one of them would have ducked.

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1. Uh-oh…

2. Oh S***!

3. What the heck?!?

4. Go get your backup tape. (You DO have a backup tape?)

5. That’s SOOOOO bizarre.

6. Wow!! Look at this…

7. Hey!! The Suns don’t do this.

8. Terminated?!?

9. What software license?!?

10. Well, it’s doing SOMETHING…

11. Wow…that seemed fast…

12. I got a better job at Lockheed…

13. Management says…

14. Sorry, the new equipment didn’t get budgeted.

15. What do you mean that wasn’t a copy?

16. It didn’t do that a minute ago…

17. Where’s the GUI on this thing?

18. Damn, and I just bought that Coke…

19. Where’s the DIR command?

20. The drive ate the tape but that’s OK, I brought my screwdriver.

21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there’s LOTS of free space.

22. What’s this “any” key I’m supposed to press?

23. Do you smell something?

24. What’s that grinding sound?

25. I have never seen it do THAT before…

26. I don’t think it should be doing that…

27. I remember the last time I saw it do that…

28. You might as well all go home early today…

29. My leave starts tomorrow.

30. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)

31. Hmm, maybe if I do this…

32. Why is my “rm -R *” taking so long?”

33. Hmmm, curious…

34. Well, MY files were backed up.

35. What do you mean you needed that directory?

36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!

37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?

38. I didn’t think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.

39. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?

40. We’re standardizing on AIX.

41. Wonder what THIS command does?

42. What did you say your (1)user name was…? ;-)

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A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot. The bartender is curious and askes him “every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?” The man replies, “I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home.”

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I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double.

The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

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