Encyclopedia of Humor

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had had happened to her ears?

“I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang – but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear.”

“Oh Dear!” the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. “But .. what happened to your other ear?”

“The son-of-a-bitch called back.”

There was a blonde, a brunette and a redhead at a dance together. When they went into the bathroom to check their makeup, they found an old hag. “I am a witch, and if you look in the mirror and say one rumor that you hear about you, and that rumor is true, then you will get one wish. If it is not true, then you will get sucked into Mirrorland for the rest of eternity. Do you understand?” They all did, and the brunette went first. “I think I am the prettiest girl at school.”
“That is true. Your wish is granted.” And the brunette left the dance in a red Ferrari.
Then came the redhead. “I think I am the richest girl at school.” “That is true. Your wish is granted.” And the redhead left the dance with a hot boyfriend.
Then came the blonde. “I think…” Before she had a chance to finish, the witch said: “You lie!!” And she was sucked into the mirror.

One day a brunnete was driving home from work, as she got out of the car she heard her blonde neighbor crying. “Oh my god what wrong?” the brunnete asked. “My mother just died!” said the blonde crying out. The brunette feeling sorry for the blonde comforted her for the whole day. The next day the brunette saw the blonde crying outside. “Now what the hell is wrong?!” said the brunette. “Ohh, it’s terrible…my sister called, and her mother died too!”

One time this blonde girl was at a vending machine.
She would stick a quarter in, push the button, and a soda would come out and she would put it on the top.
She did this a few more times before a man asked why she kept doing this, and she said, “Because I’m winning.”

A blind man and his guide dog enter a bar and find their way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender,

“Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?”

The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says,

“Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she’s a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she’s a wrestler. Think about it seriously, Mister. You still wanna tell that joke?”

The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”