Encyclopedia of Humor

Don’t bite the hand that has your paycheck in it.

Don’t blame me; nobody asked my opinion.

Don’t do today that which can be put off till tomorrow.

Don’t force it, get a bigger hammer.

Don’t get lost in the shuffle, shuffle along with the lost.

Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia.

Don’t let your mouth write no check that your tail can’t cash. – Bo Diddley

Don’t look back, something may be gaining on you.

Don’t make your doctor your heir.

Don’t mess with Mrs. Murphy!

Don’t permit yourself to get between a dog and a lamppost.

First soldier: “Pass me the chocolate pudding, would you?”

Second soldier: “No way, Jose!”

First soldier: “Whyever not?”

Second soldier: “It’s against regulations to help another soldier to dessert!”

Democracy is that form of government where everybody gets what the majority deserves.

Diplomacy is the ability to tell someone to “get lost” in such a way that they look forward to the trip.

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way.

Diplomacy is the art of saying “nice doggy” until you find a large enough rock.

Do not believe in miracles, rely on them.

Do someone a favor and it becomes your job.

Do whatever your enemies do not want you to do.

Doing a good job around here is like wetting your pants in a dark suit; you get a warm feeling, but nobody notices.

Don’t be irreplaceable; if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted.

Don’t be so open minded that your brain falls out.

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting

8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles

7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit?

6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants You” posters

5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day

4. Superiors may now be addressed as “Dude”

3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center

2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island

1. New slogan “Army of One” replaces “Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!”

Q: What’s the national bird of Iraq?
A: DUCK!

Q: What’s the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?
A: You shout out, “B-52″

The latest from Saudi Arabia and Baghdad is that :
Americans claim they have air superiority over Iraq.
Iraqis claim they have air superiority over Iran.

Q: Why doesn’t Saddam go out drinking?
A: Why should he when he can get bombed at home?

Q: What does Saddam Hussein have in common with Fred Flinstone?
A: They both can look out of their window and see rubble!

Q: Have you heard about the new Royal Iraqi Air Force exercise program?
A: Each morning you raise your hands above your head and leave them there.

Q: What should Iraq get for its air defense system?
A: A refund.

Q: Who is an Iraqi Hero?
A: He’s the one that waited thirty seconds before he surrendered.