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Lots of folks are forced to skimp to support a government that won’t.

There’s one thing the Democrats and Republicans share in common: Our money.

…Veni, Vedi, Clinti–I came, I saw, I lied.

A little girl asked her father, “Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with ‘Once Upon A Time’?”
He replied, “No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with ‘If elected I promise’.”

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The American myth is that every boy can grow up to be President.

The Bush reality now is that the boy doesn’t have to grow up?!

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My four year old and I were discussing holidays, and I asked him, “What is the day which comes after Halloween when you have turkey?”

My husband quickly answered, “Election day.”

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“I am not part of the problem. I am a Democrat.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.”

– Vice President Al Gore

“Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it.”
– Vice President Al Gore, 5/20/996

“Democrats understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“Welcome to President Clinton, Mrs. Clinton, and my fellow astronauts.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“Mars is essentially in the same orbit… Mars is somewhat the same distance from the Sun, which is very important. We have seen pictures where there are canals, we believe, and water. If there is water, that means there is oxygen. If oxygen, that means we can breathe.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“What a waste it is to lose one’s mind. Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“People that are really very weird can get into sensitive positions and have tremendous impact on history.”
– Vice President Al Gore

“When I have been asked who caused the riots and the killing in L.A., my answer has been direct and simple: Who is to blame for the riots? The rioters are to blame. Who is to blame for the killings? The killers are to blame.”
– Al Gore

“The American people would not want to know of any misquotes that Al Gore may or may not make.”
– Vice President Al Gore

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King George the Third’s response to the Declaration of Independence
The Court of King George III London, England

July 10, 1776

Mr. Thomas Jefferson
c/o The Continental Congress Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Dear Mr. Jefferson,

We have read your “Declaration of Independence” with great interest. Certainly, it represents a considerable undertaking, and many of your statements do merit serious consideration. Unfortunately, the Declaration as a whole fails to meet recently adopted specifications for proposals to the Crown, so we must return the document to you for further refinement. The questions which follow might assist you in your process of revision:

1. In your opening paragraph you use the phrase the “Laws of Nature and Nature’s God.” What are these laws? In what way are they the criteria on which you base your central arguments? Please document with citations from the recent literature.

2. In the same paragraph you refer to the “opinions of mankind.” Whose polling data are you using? Without specific evidence, it seems to us the “opinions of mankind” are a matter of opinion.

3. You hold truths to be “self-evident” . Could you please elaborate. If they are as evident as you claim then it should not be difficult for you to locate the appropriate supporting statistics.

4. “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of happiness” seem to be the goals of your proposal. These are not measurable goals. If you were to say that among these is the ability to sustain an average life expectancy in six of the 13 colonies of at last 55 years, and to enable newspapers in the colonies to print news without outside interference, and to raise the average income of the colonists by 10 percent in the next 10 years, these could be measurable goals. Please clarify.

5. You state that “Whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute a new Government….” Have you weighed this assertion against all the alternatives? What are the trade-off considerations?

6. Your description of the existing situation is quite extensive. Such a long list of grievances should precede the statement of goals, not follow it. Your problem statement needs improvement.

7. Your strategy for achieving your goal is not developed at all. You state that the colonies ought to be Free and Independent States, and that they are “Absolved from All Allegiance to the British Crown.” Who or what must change to achieve this objective? In what way must they change? What specific steps will you take to overcome the resistance? How long will it take? We have found that a little foresight in these areas helps to prevent careless errors later on. How cost-effective are your strategies?

8. Who among the list of signatories will be responsible for implementing your strategy? Who conceived it? Who provided the theoretical research? Who will constitute the advisory committee? Please submit an organization chart and vitas of the principal investigators.

9. You must include an evaluation design. We have been requiring this since Queen Anne’s War.

10. What impact will your problem have? .Your failure to include any assessment of this inspires little confidence in the long-range prospects of your undertaking.

11. Please submit a PERT diagram, an activity chart, itemized budget, and manpower utilization matrix.

We hope that these comments prove useful in revising your “Declaration of Independence.” We welcome the submission of your revised proposal. Our due date for unsolicited proposals is July 31, 1776. Ten copies with original signatures will be required.

Sincerely,
Management Analyst to the British Crown

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