Encyclopedia of Humor

Three men are traveling in the Amazon, a German, an American, and a Mexican, and they get captured by some Amazons. The head of the tribe says to the German, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?”

The German responds, “I will take oil!” So they put oil on his back, and a large Amazon whips him ten times. When he is finished the German has these huge welts on his back, and he can hardly move.

The Amazons haul the German away, and say to the Mexican, “What do you want on your back?”

“I will take nothing!” says the Mexican, and he stands there straight and takes his ten lashings without a single flinch.

“What will you take on your back?” the Amazons ask the American.

He responds, “I’ll take the Mexican.”

Top Ten Habits of Highly Effective Flamethrowers

Rule 10: Never forget that the person reading your mail is a person, with feelings that can be hurt. If you see the opportunity, hurt them.

Rule 9: Behave online as you do in real life. This way, you can act like a total jerk under all circumstances.

Rule 8: Lurk until you get a feel for what’s acceptable in a particular forum or newsgroup. Then leap in and do the opposite.

Rule 7: Be aware of others’ time and bandwidth. Never post anything shorter than seven paragraphs. Ensure your sig is at least a screen long.

Rule 6: Make yourself look good online always post your abuse in complete, grammatically correct sentences.

Rule 5: Share expert knowledge. If you know how to push someone’s buttons in a forum, send private email to everyone else telling them.

Rule 4: Help keep flame wars under control: lead the charge.

Rule 3: Respect other people’s privacy…if you have some dirt about a member of a newsgroup, spread it only via private email.

Rule 2: Don’t abuse your power. Flame only those who disagree with you.

Rule 1: Remember: You were a network newbie once, too. You deserved all the flaming you got then. The current batch deserves no less.

Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner?

A: Reservations

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence?

A: To see what was on the other side.