Encyclopedia of Humor

Flickr photo, 1 year ago

Peter De Vries: Motivational Funny Sayings
I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork. Theodore Roosevelt: Motivational Funny Sayings
I think we consider too much the good luck of the early bird and not enough the bad luck of the early worm.

Susan Ohanian: Motivational Funny Sayings
If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

Arthur Koestler: Motivational Funny Sayings
If the creator had a purpose in equipping us with a neck, he surely meant us to stick it out.

Mark Twain: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything.

Unknown Author: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.

Jim Eason.: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people.

Anonymous: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you wish to live wisely, ignore sayings including this one.

Henry Link: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you wish to make a man your enemy, tell him simply, “You are wrong.” This method works every time.

Unknown Author: Motivational Funny Sayings
If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

Q: What are they calling the Germans, French and Belgians, at the Pentagon?
A: “The Axis of Weasels.”

Q. Why do we need France on our side against Saddam and Osama?

A. So the French can show them how to surrender.

Q: How many Frenchmen does it take to defend Paris?

A: Nobody knows, it’s never been tried.

Q. Why don’t they have fireworks at Euro Disney?

A. Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Q. Why did the French plant trees along the Champs Elysees?

A. So the Germans could march in the shade.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What’s the difference between Frenchmen and toast?

A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?

A. The Army.

Anyone see the French Military Rifle on eBay? It’s never been shot and only dropped once!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?”Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the Working Class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense,”

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said.

Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.”

The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.”

The little boy replies, “Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep poo.”