Encyclopedia of Humor

One day Little Johnny went to his father, and asked him if he could buy him a $200 bicycle for his birthday. Little Johnny’s father said, “Johnny, we have an $80,000 mortgage on the house, and you want me to buy you a bicycle? Wait until Christmas!”

Christmas came around, and Little Johnny asked again. The father said, “Well, the mortgage is still extremely high, sorry kiddo. Ask me again some other time.”

Well, about 2 days later, the boy was seen walking out of the house with all his belongings in a suitcase. The father felt sorry for him, and asked him why he was leaving.

Little Johnny said, “Yesterday I was walking past your room, and I heard you say that you were ‘pulling out,’ and mommy said that ‘you should wait because she was coming, too….’

“And I’ll be DAMNED if I’m gonna get stuck with your $80,000 mortgage!”

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, “Mom, what’s sex?”

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, “Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?”

At his request, each morning three-year-old Ray’s mother pinned a bath towel to the back shoulders of his size two T-shirt. Immediately in his young imaginative mind the towel

became a brilliant magic blue and red cape.

And he became Superman. Outfitted each day in his “cape,” Ray’s days were packed with adventure and daring escapades. He was Superman.

This fact was clearly pointed out last fall when his mother enrolled him in kindergarten class. During the course of the interview, the teacher asked Ray his name.

“Superman,” he answered politely and without pause.

The teacher smiled, cast an appreciative glance at his mother, and asked again, “Your real name, please.”

Again, Ray answered, “Superman.”

Realizing the situation demanded more authority, or maybe to hide amusement, the teacher closed her eyes for a moment, then in a voice quite stern, said, “I will have to have your real name for the records.”

Sensing he’d have to play straight with the teacher, Ray slid his eyes around the room, hunched closer to her, and patting a corner of frayed towel at his shoulder, answered in a voice hushed with conspiracy, “Clark Kent.”

A man and his son were walking down the street one day. They saw two dogs having sex in a yard.

The son asked his father, “Daddy, what are they doing?”

Thinking fast, the father said, “Well, son, they are making puppies.”

Every thing was okay for a couple of days. Then, one afternoon, the father was making love to his wife when the son walked in.

The son asked, “Daddy, what are you doing?”

Thinking fast, the father said, “We’re making you a baby brother.”

The son thought for a moment, then said, “Well, roll her over, daddy, I’d rather have a puppy!”

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

Little Johnny says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”