Encyclopedia of Humor

The privilege of naming all the children of the tribe always fell to the chief.

One day a small Indian boy asked him how he chose the names for all the children.

“Well, my son,” the chief replied, “When I step out of my tepee, I name each child after the first thing I see.

“For instance, when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a pale moon rising, I say – you shall be called, Pale-Moon-Rising.”

“And when a child is born and I step out of my tepee and see a hawk flying over, I say – you shall be called, Hawk-Flying-Over.”

“So why do you ask, Big-Dog Pooping?”

Little Johnny was only 12-years-old. He had been hearing a lot about courting from the older boys, so he asked his mother what and how it was done.

She told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This Johnny did, and this is what Johnny told his mother later.

“Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for awhile, then they turned off the lights, all but the blue one. Then the boyfriend began kissing her and putting his hand under her blouse.

“Pretty soon they began to pant and get out of breath, and then he took his hand from inside her blouse and put it under her dress. When he did this, Sis began to moan, sigh, squirm, and scoot down toward the edge of the couch, until soon she was lying down. Then he unzipped his pants and pulled out a big eel about 10″ long. It was standing up and he had it in his hand to keep it from getting away. Sis started to help him and they both wrestled it. Finally, Sis held it while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel’s head to keep it from biting. Sis had both hands on it, and she spread both her legs to she could get a better hold on it.

He helped her by laying on the eel. Soon they got the eel between them, and Sis wrapped her arms and legs around her boyfriend and they started to wrestle that darned eel between them, and that eel put up one hell of a fight. Sis squealed and her boyfriend almost upset the couch, and for a minute I thought the darned thing was going to get away from them, but Sis grabbed it just as it was going to get away from them and stuck it back between her legs. Pretty soon they gave a big long sigh and grunted and stopped moving.

“Her boyfriend got up and they sure had killed that eel because he hung, limber as a hot water bottle, with some of its insides hanging out. Sis and her boyfriend were all tired out from the battle. They started loving and kissing again, and by gosh, that eel came out and wanted to fight again. Sis gave a squeal and grabbed it in record time, and the way they both wrestled and battled with it-it was the best wrestling match I ever saw. This time they had a longer struggle, but Sis and her boyfriend finally won!

They really killed him this time because her boyfriend pulled its skin off and flushed it down the toilet.”

A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees.

“I don’t want to know!” Little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong.

“Oh Pop,” Johnny sobbed, “For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. And if you’re telling me now that grownups don’t really have sex, I’ve got nothing left to believe in!”

A 4-year-old boy who was asked to return thanks before Thanksgiving dinner. The family members bowed their heads in expectation. He began his prayer, thanking the Lord for all his friends, naming them one by one. Then he thanked the Lord for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Then he began to thank the Lord for the food. He gave thanks for the turkey, the dressing, the fruit salad, the cranberry sauce, the pies, the cakes, even the Cool Whip. Then he paused, and everyone waited — and waited.

After a long silence, the young fellow looked up at his mother and asked, “If I thank the Lord for the broccoli, won’t he know that I’m lying?”

It was a cold winter day, when an old man walked out onto a frozen lake, cut a hole in the ice, dropped in his fishing line and began waiting for a fish to bite.

He was there for almost an hour without even a nibble when a young boy walked out onto the ice, cut a hole in the ice not too far from the old man and dropped in his fishing line. It only took about a minute and WHAM! a Largemouth Bass hit his hook and the boy pulled in the fish.

The old man couldn’t believe it but figured it was just luck. But, the boy dropped in his line and again within just a few minutes pulled in another one.

This went on and on until finally the old man couldn’t take it any more since he hadn’t caught a thing all this time.

He went to the boy and said, “Son, I’ve been here for over an hour without even a nibble. You have been here only a few minutes and have caught about half a dozen fish! How do you do it?”

The boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rrarm.”

“What was that?” the old man asked.

Again the boy responded, “Roo raf roo reep ra rums rarrm.”

“Look,” said the old man, “I can’t understand a word you are saying.”

So, the boy spit into his hand and said, “You have to keep the worms warm!”