Encyclopedia of Humor

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”

“Both son. God is both.”

After a while the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?”

“Both son, both.”

The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father.

His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get?

He replies I got the part of a man who has been married for 25 years.

His father congratulated him. And then he said “That’s good son, maybe next time you’ll get a talking role!”

The teacher asked little Johnny if he knows his numbers.

“Yes,” he said. “I do. My father taught me.” “Good. What comes after three.” “Four,” answers the boy.

“What comes after six?” “Seven.”

“Very good,” says the teacher. “Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?”

“A Jack.”

On a special teacher’s day, a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils. The florist’s son handed her a gift. She shooked it, held it over her head, and said, “I bet I know what it is – flowers!”

“That’s right!” said the boy, “but how did you know?”

“Just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the candy store owner’s daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shooked it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is – a box of candy!”

“That’s right! But how did you know?” asked the girl.

“Just a lucky guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held the bag over her head and noticed that it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and tasted it. “Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied.

The teacher repeated the process, touching another drop of the leakage to her tongue. “Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy replied.

The teacher then said, “I give up, what is it?”

The boy replied, “A puppy!”

A priest at a parochial school, wanting to point out the proper behavior for church, was trying to elicit from the youngsters rules that their parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.

“Don’t play with your food,” one second-grader cited.

“Don’t be loud,” said another, and so on.

“And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?” the priest inquired of one little boy.

Without batting an eye, the child replied, “Order something cheap.”