1. Excuse me, but where is the Starbucks?
2. Is this pork chop and mashed potato stew diet?
3. Could you put those handcuffs on me again? It makes me feel like Im in my own bed.
4. Wow. This is so like totally not like Daddys hotel. Big frown!
5. Cant I have my dog here with me? He was driving drunk too!
6. Do you have anything else I can wear? This uniform makes me look so non-anorexic.
7. Wait! When I checked no about the conjugal visits, it was because I like TOTALLY thought it meant I had to meet with a grammar tutor.
8. Hey, why is there a bed in this disgusting little bathroom? And where is the rest of my cell?
9. Youll silence Sarah Silverman for how much again?
10. Yes, can you tell me where I book a pedicure and a Brazilian? And would you mind if I brought in my people for it? No offense, but I would never want a stranger to see me down there!
11. Wow, so youre like a criminal? Youre like the third one I met today!
12. Dear Mr. Diary. Im going to write three letters to the judge and see if that helps: WTF?