Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try bear hunting. Hespotted a small brown bear and shot it. Right after, there was a tap on his shoulder and he turned around to see a big black bear. The black bear said, “That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices… Either I maul you to death or we have sex.”

After considering briefly, Frank decided to accede to the latter alternative. Even though he felt sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.

He headed out on another trip where he found the black bear and shot it. Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him. The grizzly said, “That was a big mistake, Frank. That was my cousin and you’ve got two choices. Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.” Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate.

Although he survived, it took several months before Frank finally recovered. Outraged, he headed back to the woods, managed to track down the grizzly and shot it. He felt sweet revenge, but, then, there was a tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there. The polar bear looked at him very sadly and said, “Admit it Frank, you don’t come here for the hunting, do you?”

These are supposedly actual classified ads that have appeared in various papers across the world.

LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

OPEN HOUSE – BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON – FREE COFFEE & DONUTS

FREE PUPPIES…PART GERMAN SHEPHERD, PART DOG

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL – 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

CUTE KITTEN FOR SALE, 2 CENTS OR BEST OFFER

FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.

KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD – SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME

1. When no one else is looking, you swear that the monkeys are mocking you.

2. The Bears exhibit is nothing more than the guys cut from the football team during training camp.

3. The stripes on the zebra tend to peel away in the heat.

4. The Zookeeper always wants to take the Rhino for a walk.

5. The Lion in the lion cage closely resembles the one from The Lion King.

6. The alligator in the Reptiles exhibit is nothing more than the University of Florida’s Mascot.

7. If you deposit 50 cents, the giraffe will magically appear and talk to you.

8. Ask the Tour Guide too many questions and you’re suddenly dipped in some sort of sauce and placed in the Tigers den.

9. The Elephant appear to be two guys in a two part Elephant suit.

10. Two words: Hippo Dogs!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the armadillo that it was possible.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get away from Colonel Sanders!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
A: Because it was a double-crosser.

Q: Why did the Iraqi chicken cross the road?
A: To take over the other side.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the beach?
A: To get to the other tide.

Q: Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
A: Chickens hadn’t evolved yet.

A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.

“What’s going on?” she yells out the window.

“Cow on the track!” replies the conductor.

Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace.

Within five minutes, however, it stops again.

The woman sees the same conductor walk again.

She leans out the window and yells, “What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?”