Doris and Fred had started their retirement years and decided to raise some extra cash by advertising for a lodger in their terrace house. After a few days, a young, attractive woman applied for the room and explained that she was a model working in a nearby city center studio for a few weeks. She said she would like the room from Mondays to Thursdays but would pay for the whole week.

Doris showed her the house, and they agreed to start straight away.

“There’s just one problem,” explained the model. “Because of my job, I have to take a bath every night, and I notice you don’t have a bath.”

“That’s not a problem,” replied Doris. “We have a tin bath out in the yard, and we bring it into the living room in front of the fire and fill it with hot water.”

“What about you’re husband?” asked the model.

“Oh, he plays darts most weekdays, so he will be out in the evenings,” replied Doris.

“Good,” said the model. “Now that’s settled, I’ll go to the studio and see you tonight.”

That evening, Fred dutifully went to his darts match while Doris prepared the bath for the model. After stripping her clothes, the model stepped into the bath. Doris was amazed to see that she had no pubic hair. The model noticed Doris’s staring eyes, so she smiled and explained that it is part of her job to shave herself, especially when modeling swimwear or underclothes.

Later when Fred returned, Doris related this oddity, and he did not believe her.

“It’s true, I tell you!” said Doris. “Look, if you don’t believe me, tomorrow night I’ll leave the curtains slightly open, and you can peek in and see for yourself.”

The next night, Fred left as usual, and Doris prepared the bath for the model. As the model stepped naked into the bath, Doris stood behind her. Doris looked toward the curtains and pointed toward the model’s naked pubic area. Then she lifted up her skirt and, wearing no panties, pointed to her own hairy mass.

Later, Fred returned and they retired to bed.

“Well, do you believe me now?” she asked Fred.

“Yes,” he replied. “I’ve never seen anything like it in my life. But why did you lift up your skirt and show yourself?”

“Just to show you the difference,” answered Doris. “But I guess you’ve seen me millions of times.”

“Yes,” said Fred, “I have — but the rest of the dart team hadn’t.”

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over and slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 10 year old daughter chatting away beside him. All of the sudden, the penis smacks the pickup in the windshield and flies off.

Surprised, the daughter asks her daddy, “Daddy what in the heck was that ?!?”

Not wanting to expose his 10 year old daughter to sex at such a tender age, the father replies, “It was only a bug, honey.”

The daughter gets a confused look on her face, and after a minute, she says. “Sure had a big dick.”

Four men go out to play golf. One is detained in the clubhouse and the remaining three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

“My son,” says one, “Has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful that in his last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift.”

The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his daughter began her career as a car salesperson, but now owns a multi-line dealership. “She’s so successful, in fact, in the last six months she gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift.”

The third man’s says his son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage firm, and in the last few weeks, has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives, they tell him that they have been discussing their children and ask him about his son.

“To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son has turned out,” he replies. “For fifteen years, he’s been in and out of work and I’ve just recently discovered he’s a bisexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three lovers have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates.”

One day a boy approached his mother with a question. “Mom, how come every night I hear you and daddy fighting and yelling, but when I look in your room you’re on top of each other?”

His mother ,very surprised, replies; “Honey you know how fat daddy is, I’m jumping on top of him to help him lose weight”.

The boy knows that’s not working and tells his mother why…

“Mom that’s not going to help, because the lady next door comes by after you leave for work, and blows him back up again!”

A Frenchman, an Italian, and a Texan were discussing lovemaking.

“Last night I made love to my wife three times,” boasted the Frenchman. “She was in sheer ecstasy this morning.”

“Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,” the Italian responded, “And this morning she made me a wonderful omelet and told me she could never love another man.”

When the Texan remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked, “And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?”

“Once,” he replied.

“Only once?” the Italian arrogantly snorted.

“What did she say to you this morning?” asked the Italian.

“Don’t stop,” said the Texan.