What are seniors worth anyway? They are worth a fortune, with all the silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys and lead in their feet.

Well I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life since then. Frankly, I have become quitea frivolous old gal. I am seeing five gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, Will Power helps me get out of bed. I immediately go to see John.

After that Charlie Horse comes along, and he really takes a lot of my time and attention. When he leaves, Arthur Ritis shows up and stays for the rest of the day. However, he doesn’t like to stay in one place very long, so he just takes me from joint to joint. Finally after such a busy tiring day, I’m really glad to be able to go to bed with Ben Gay. What a life!!

P.S. The preacher came by the other day. He said at my age, I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him, ‘Oh I do all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen or down in the basement, I ask myself…”What am I here after?”

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandfather in the hospital.
“How are you grandpa?” he asks.
“Feeling fine,” says the old man.

“What’s the food like?”
“Terrific, wonderful menus.”

“And the nursing?”
“Just couldn’t be better. These young nurses really take care of you.”

“What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?”
“No problem at all — nine hours solid every night. At 10 o’clock they ring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet … and that’s it.I go out like a light.”

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so rushes off to question the Sister in charge. “What are you people doing,” he says, “I’m told you’re giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can’t be true?

“Oh, yes,” replies the Sister. “Every night at 10 o’clock we give him a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well.

The hot chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed!”

The old spinster was rocking on her front porch with her tomcat at her feet, when a good fairy suddenly appeared before her and offered her three wishes.

“Aw, go on,” the little old lady said in disbelief, “if you can grant three wishes, let’s see you turn this rocking chair into a pile of gold?”

The good fairy waved her hand, and “pouf”, the rocking chair turned into a pile of pure gold. Her face lighting up, the lady said “I really get two more wishes?”

“Yes”, the good fairy assured her. “Anything your heart desires.”

“Then make me into a beautiful, voluptuous young woman.” Another wave of her hand, and the wish was granted.

“Finally, make my faithful old cat into a tall, dark and handsome young man.”

The good fairy waved her hand and disappeared as the third wish came true, and a handsome muscular young man stood where the tomcat had just been sleeping.

The young man approached the once-old lady, took her in his arms and murmured… “Now, aren’t you sorry you sent me to the vet?”

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary. The wife Said, “Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got Married.” He did.

“Now kiss me the way you used to…”

“Now darling, bite me the way you used to.”

At this point the husband got out of bed and the wife said, “Where are you going dear?”

“To get my teeth, dear,” the husband replied.

Life of a Senior Citizen…

I’m the life of the party…even when it lasts till 8 p.m.

I’m very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

I’m usually interested in going home before I get to where I’m going.

I’m good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, & antacid.

I’m awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I’m smiling all the time because I can’t hear a word you are saying.

I’m aware that other people’s grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I’m so cared for: Long term care, Eye care, Private care, Dental care . .�.

I’m not grouchy, I just don’t like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I’m sure everything I can’t find is in a secure place.

I’m wrinkled, saggy and bumpy and that’s just my left leg.

I’m realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I’m anti-everything now: Anti-fat, Anti-smoke, Anti-noise, Anti-inflammatory

I’m going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors . . .Absolutely nothing!

I’m sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I’m in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD’s, IRA’s, AARP. . .

I’m wondering . . If you’re only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I’m supporting all movements now . . .by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I’m a walking storeroom of facts . . .I’ve just lost the storeroom.