A couple of senior couples were strolling along, wives in front, husbands in back chatting. Bernie turns to Marv and says,”Ya know, we went to a new restaurant last night and had the best meal ever. Great prices, too.”

Marv smiles and says, “Well, we like to eat out too. So what was the name of this fine new eatery?”

Bernie says, “You’re going to have to help me out here a little. What’s the name of that pretty flower, smells sweet, often red, grows on a thorny bush?”

Marv grins again, “Well now, Bernie, sounds like a rose to me…”

“Yes, yes, that’s it!” cries Bernie, then he calls ahead to his wife…

“Rose! Rose, honey, what was the name of that little restaurant we ate at last night?”

Three elderly ladies were at the doctor for a cognitive reasoning test.

The doctor says to the first gal, “What is three times three?” “297,” was her prompt reply. “Ummm humm,” says the doc.

The doctor says to the second lady, “It’s your turn now. What is three times three?” “Friday,” replies the second lady. “Ummm humm…”

Then the doc says to the third, “Okay, mam, your turn. What’s three times three?”

“Nine,” she says. “That’s wonderful!” says the doc. “Tell me, how did you get that?”

“Simple,” she says, beaming… “I subtracted 297 from Friday!”

A young man was walking through a supermarket to pick up a few things when he noticed an old lady following him around. Thinking nothing of it, he ignored her and continued on. Finally he went to the checkout line, but she got in front of him.

“Pardon me,” she said, “I’m sorry if my staring at you has made you feel uncomfortable. It’s just that you look just like my son, who just died recently.”

“I’m very sorry,” replied the young man, “is there anything I can do for you?”

“Yes,” she said, “As I’m leaving, can you say ‘Good bye, Mother’? It would make me feel so much better.”

“Sure,” answered the young man.

As the old woman was leaving, he called out, “Goodbye, Mother!”

As he stepped up to the checkout counter, he saw that his total was $
127.
50.

“How can that be?” He asked, “I only purchased a few things!”

“Your mother said that you would pay for her,” said the clerk.

With the help of a fertility specialist, a 65 year old woman has a baby. All her relatives come to visit and meet the newest member of their family.

When they ask to see the baby, the 65 year old mother says “not yet.” A little later they ask to see the baby again. Again the mother says “not yet.”

Finally they say, “When can we see the baby!?”

And the mother says, “You’ll have to wait until the baby cries.” And they ask, “Why do we have to wait until the baby cries?”

The new mother says, “because I forgot where I put it!”

An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat.

As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man’s cane slips on the floor and he falls down.

As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, “If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn’t slip.”

The old man snaps back, “Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today!”