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Funny Pick Up Lines

I lost my teddy bear, will you sleep with me?
My magic watch says that you don’t have on any underwear. (She says yes I do) Damn! it must be 15 minutes fast
What has 148 teeth and holds back the incredible hulk? My Zipper!
If I received a nickel for everytime I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
Crap. Something is wrong with my cell phone. {Oh Really. What is that?} Its just that…your numbers not in it.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?

If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don’t worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas.
There are 206 bones in the human body… do you want another one?
Do you have a keg in your pants? (No! Why?) Cause I’d like to tap that!
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
See my friend over there? He wants to know if you think I’m cute.
I don’t know much about pies but DAMN you make my banana cream.
Do you work at subway? Because you just gave me a footlong!
Say “I bet I can kiss you on the lips without touching you.” and kiss her, then tell her you lost the bet.
You’re like a prize winning fish. I dont know whether to eat you or mount you.
I want to tell you your fortune. [Take her hand and write your phone number on it.] Your future is clear.
I’m not Fred Flintstone, but I can make your bedrock!
That shirt is very becoming on you, but if I was on you I’d be coming too!
If your left leg is Thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I visit you between the holidays?
Screw me if I am wrong, but haven’t we met before?
The word of the day is “legs.” Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.
(To someone working somewhere where a counter seperates you) You’re like a drug to me. Good thing you’re over the counter.
If I had a garden I’d put your two lips and my two lips together.
Did it hurt when you fell? [Girl: Huh?] When you fell from heaven?
It’s a good thing that I have my library card. Why? Because I am totally checking you out!!
You turn my software into hardware!
Are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!
You’re ugly, but you intrigue me…
Can you take me to the bakery? Because, I want a Cutiepie like you!
I may not be the best-looking guy in here, but I’m the only one talking to you.
Is that a ladder in your pants… or the stairway to heaven?
If you were a booger I would pick you first.
Was your Dad a baker? Because you’ve got a nice set of buns.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I could see myself in your pants.
Do u sleep on your belly at night? If no, can I?
Do you work for UPS? I could have sworn I saw you checking out my package.
[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn’t hear me…. I said u look really fat in those pants!
Hey Girl let’s play lion tamer…you get down on all fours and I’ll stick my head in your mouth!
I’ve noticed you noticing me and I’m just giving you notice that I’ve noticed you!
Go up to a girl, ask her: “Do you know what winks and screws like a tiger?” [No] Then wink.
Do you want to do math? Let’s add a bed, subtract your clothes, divide your legs and multiply!
Do I know you? Cause you look a lot like my next girlfriend.
You know what would look good on you? Me!
You don’t sweat much for a fat chick.
Are you a pirate? Cause I want cho booty.
You might as well sleep with me because I’m going to tell everybody we did it anyway.
Here’s $10. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
Can you kiss me on the cheek so I can at least say a cute girl kissed me tonight?
Are you a gardener? I have a bush that needs a trim.
If you were a car, I’d wax and ride you all over town.
If I followed you home, would you keep me?
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Hi, my name’s Fred, would you like to test my bed?
Do you know karate? Cause your body’s kickin!
Can I fish in your pond since all the others seem to be dry or closed?
Hi, will you help me find my lost puppy? I think he went into this cheap motel room across the street.
Are you a Hurricane [name]? Cause you’re blowing me away.
Roses Are Red, Candle Light Flickers, After The Meal, Its off With The Knickers.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.
I must be in heaven because I’m looking at an angel!
Did you have lucky charms for breakfast? Because you look magically delicious!
Would you sleep with a stranger? [No] Then Hi, my name is…
Can you lick your nipples?
[No] Can I?
[Yes] Can you show me?
I’m gay, think you can convert me?
Are you a clock? Cause you’re ticking me off.
Excuse me, if I go straight this way, will I be able to reach your heart?
A boy gives a girl 12 roses. 11 fake, 1 real and he says to her ” I will stop loving you when all the roses die”
Did the sun come up or did you just smile at me? 8
Is your shirt felt? (No?) Do you want it to be? 8
I’m going to need a tall glass of cold water, cuz baby your making me HOT! 6
I’m going outside to make out… care to join me? 5
Are you form Tennessee? Cause you’re the only ten I see!!! 14
My name’s [your name]. That’s so you know what to scream in bed. 9
Polar Bear (HUh) I just wanted to break the ice. 4
Lets play house, you be the screandoor and iIll bang you all night long. 12
What do you and the weather have in common? You’re both Hot! 4
Bond….James Bond 18
Somebody call the cops, because it’s got to be illegal to look that good! 11
I must be a snowflake, because I’ve fallen for you. 5
I’m the 6, do you want to be the 9? 10
Violets are blue, roses are red, what is it going to take to get you into bed? 10
Are you a hooker? Cause I’m hooked on you. 5
Let’s have breakfast together tomorrow; shall I call you or nudge you? 7
Damn boy there’s only 2 things I like riding up my ass, my G-String and you! 7
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald’s, you would be a McGorgeous. 15
Damn girl, you make me feel like a loaf of bread…I wanna rise up in your oven! 5
Hi, Im Mr. Right–I heard you were looking for me.
Girl you so fine I wish I could plant you and grow a whole feild of y’all!
(steps on some ice) Now that the ice is broken, what’s your name?
A tall man to a short woman: “You’re perfect height for what you want.”
Could you please step away from the bar? You’re melting all the ice!
Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?
We’re like Little Ceasar’s, we’re Hot and Ready.
(She asks you the time) Its two flirty and the date’s with you and me.

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Posted in: Funny Lists, Funny Pickup Lines, Girls Jokes, Sex Jokes

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4 Responses to “Funny Pick Up Lines”

  1. January 4th, 2008 at 5:40 am #Andrew

    These things never acually work, you know …

  2. January 4th, 2008 at 5:41 am #Victor

    Sometimes they do, when the girl likes you and she would take any line and talk to you ..

  3. May 15th, 2009 at 3:42 pm #Quang

    ONLY if she likes you, Victor unless you say something really perverted.

  4. November 6th, 2009 at 2:56 pm #keenan

    Not really dude, she/they would take mostly any line you’d say, depending on which state they were in, but smoothness works more when you break the ice . . .

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