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Canada apologises to the US:

A truly Canadian Apology to the USA, courtesy of Rick Mercer from This Hour Has 22 Minutes, CBC Television:

Hello. I’m Anthony St. George on location here in Washington.

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I’d like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven’t been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry. I’m sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron, but it wasn’t nice of us to point it out. If it’s any consolation, the fact that he’s a moron shouldn’t reflect poorly on the people of America. After all, it’s not like you actually elected him.

I’m sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn’t give us the right to sell you lumber that’s cheaper and better than your own. It would be like if, well, say you had ten times the television audeince we did and you flood our market with great shows, cheaper than we could produce. I know you’d never do that.

I’m sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours. As word of apology, please accept all of our NHL teams which, one by one, are going out of business and moving to your fine country.

I’m sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you’re going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

I’m sorry we burnt down your White House during the War of 1812. I see you’ve rebuilt it! It’s very nice.

I’m sorry for Alan Thicke, Shania Twain, Celine Dion, Loverboy, that song from Seriff that ends with a really high-pitched long note. Your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer, but we feel your pain.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I’m sorry that we’re constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you’re not upset over this. Because we’ve seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

For 22 minutes, I’m Anthony St. George, and I’m sorry.

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Posted in: Canada Jokes, USA Jokes

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7 Responses to “Canada apologises to the US:”

  1. February 23rd, 2008 at 3:35 pm #Gerald Lunz

    This bit was wriitten and performed by Colin Mochrie (of Whose Line is it Anyway fame) when he was in the cast of This Hour has 22 Minutes.

  2. March 31st, 2008 at 10:54 am #rick

    colin mochrie is my favorite canadian

  3. March 30th, 2009 at 4:45 pm #Steve

    About damn time someone apologised for Celine Dion!

  4. March 31st, 2009 at 10:46 am #America!

    You aren’t sorry yet, Canadian scum, but you will be.
    Oh, you WILL be.

  5. November 18th, 2009 at 10:43 am #Andre

    Hahaha. We feel pain for your beer. Oh hell we do because there is no beer closer to water.

  6. June 15th, 2010 at 5:50 pm #Garrett

    I love how Canadians seem to think they’re better than Americans, and how they so easily forget that America actually DID beat them in hockey during the Olympics qualifying round.

  7. September 12th, 2010 at 3:56 am #Ameobadadass

    Canada? Are you guys still there? Wow, we haven’t really thought about you since like, we were arguing over that whole Oregon thing.

    So what’s up? You want to apologize? Huh, OK, I guess. It didn’t really occur to us to be pissed at Canada. We have so many other countries to be pissed at.

    Yeah sure, go ahead and apologize if you want. To tell you the truth we could really give a shit, but if it will make you feel better for some reason.

    Well Canada, thanks for stopping by but talking about you always makes us a little sleepy. If you don’t mind we’re going to go back to our unhealthy obsession with Mexico.

    This was… fun. Come back over sometime and remind us that you’re there and… we…

    OK bye.

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