1. Do it in person, the sane and mature way.State your reasons clearly and donâ€™t let the fear of being alone stop you from going through with it.
2. Do it through a relative or mutual acquaintance.If it worked in third grade, itâ€™ll work now.
3. Over dinner in a crowded restaurant, loudly state that you just canâ€™t take it anymore, then storm out without any further explanation.
4. Write a note in steam on the bathroom mirror when theyâ€™re in the shower.â€œI hate youâ€ works well, or â€œItâ€™s not you, itâ€™s me.â€
5. Write a note in ketchup on a burger and serve it to themâ€¦especially if your future ex is a vegetarian.
6. Hire a skywriter to announce it to the world.
7. Dedicate a song on the radio when you know theyâ€™ll be listening and refer to them as your former lover.
8. Tell them as theyâ€™re getting on an airplane or leaving for some other activity that canâ€™t be postponed.
9. Spell out â€œIâ€™m leaving youâ€ in rose petals on their bed.
10. Send them a fictional (or real, if youâ€™re totally heartless) invitation to your wedding next week.
11. Move far away.Forget to mention it to them.
12. Make a crossword puzzle where all of the answers are words like â€œsingle,â€ â€œdumped,â€ â€œbachelor,â€ â€œunloved,â€ and so forth.Present it to them inside the morning paper.
13. Keep a list of every little thing they have ever done to annoy you since the day you met.Read it aloud to them in great detail and with many embellishments.
14. Hire a stripper-gram to deliver the breakup message in the sexiest way possible.
15. Arrange to meet your soon-to-be ex at a public place.When they arrive, introduce them to the blind date youâ€™ve brought for them.
16. Leave an unmistakable sign on your exâ€™s computer.
17. Chance your Myspace or Facebook status from â€œin a relationshipâ€ to â€œsingle.â€Simple, but effective.
18. Hire a breakup service to deliver the message for you.
19. Fake your own death.
20. Log into your future exâ€™s email account.Send a message to everyone in their address book describing exactly why you are dumping your significant other, and then sign it with your name.
21. Bring a date to his/her birthday party.
22. Write a note in a birthday/Christmas/anniversary/get well card.Something to the effect of â€œThis is the last one of these youâ€™ll ever see from meâ€ will get the message across.
23. â€œAccidentallyâ€ leave your new loverâ€™s undergarments lying around the house, your car, or your future exâ€™s underwear drawer.
24. Tell the object of your rejection that you are becoming a nun/monk and can no longer engage in the carnal knowledge of another person.
25. Tell everyone you know that youâ€™ve broken upâ€¦except for your future ex. Let your social contacts fill him/her in.
26. Leave the apartment ads sitting out. Circle a few and write little notes like â€œThis one has plenty of room for your porn collection.â€
27. Block them on all IM programs, erase their numbers from your phone, and pretend that they donâ€™t exist. Stop answering their calls and donâ€™t open the door. Theyâ€™ll get the message eventually.
28. If you live together, change the locks. Leave their things on the lawn in a box labeled â€œFREE.â€
29. Go to their workplace. Tell the receptionist that you want to propose over the office-wide intercom system. When you have the floor, announce something like â€œIâ€™m leaving you for your best friend and youâ€™re terrible in bed.â€ Then wave cheerfully and walk out without another word.
30. Arrange to be in the middle of a rather passionate moment with someone else when your soon-to-be ex gets home.
31. Two words: text message.
32. Move all of your things out while your insignificant other is at work.
33. Take him or her on a movie date. Just as the lights are dimming and the movie is starting, whisper â€œOh, by the way, Iâ€™m breaking up with you.â€
34. Play your favorite breakup song over and over for them. Give them a very pointed look while youâ€™re doing it. Refuse to speak until they get the message.
35. Tell the future ex that you are becoming a strict Jehovahâ€™s Witness/Scientologist/Movementarian. Insist that you canâ€™t date anyone outside of your religion.
36. On Valentineâ€™s Day, after they give you a really nice gift.
37. Tell them â€œYou just donâ€™t have as much money as I thought you did.â€
38. â€œI realized that Iâ€™m just not ready for a relationship right now.â€
39. Leave steamy Myspace comments for other men/women. Insist itâ€™s just harmless friendly flirting
even as they get bawdier. Eventually have one of those men/women leave a comment for you saying theyâ€™re waiting at their hotel for you. Disappear for that entire night, then pull the old #17.
40. Have â€œItâ€™s Overâ€ written on a birthday cake that you present to them in front of friends and family.
41. Tell them that God told you this relationship was pulling you from your true path.
42. Leave a voicemail for them thatâ€™s nothing more than a recording of you getting it on with someone else.
43. At almost midnight on New Yearâ€™s Eve, toast the dumpee with a glass of champagne and say â€œHereâ€™s to the beginning of my first year without you.â€
44. Act it out during charades at your friendsâ€™ house on game night.
45. Have your tattoo of their name removed.
46. The ever-popular billboard breakup. (This version is a fake, but that shouldnâ€™t stop you from trying it yourself!)
47. Leave a Post-It note.
48. Load up their iPod with nothing but breakup songs.
49. Design a website dedicated to describing all of the reasons you can no longer stand your partner. Make it professional and very slick. Send the link to your partner, all of your friends, and everyone else in his/her address book.
50. Send the biggest bouquet of flowers you can afford to his or her place of work. Instead of a sweet love note inside the card, write â€œRoses are red, violets are blue. Donâ€™t make a scene, â€™cause Iâ€™m breaking up with you.â€