Encyclopedia of Humor

A father came home and asked where his son was. His wife replied that he was downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. The father was curious, so he wandered downstairs to see what his son was doing. As he walked down the steps, he heard a banging sound. When he got to the bottom he saw his son pounding a nail into the wall. He aid to his son, “What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?”

His son replied, “This isn’t a nail, Dad, it’s a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became as hard as a rock.”

His dad thought about it for a minute and said, “I’ll tell you what, Son, give me those chemicals and I’ll give you a new Volkswagen.”

His son quite naturally said, “Sure why not.”

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Mercedes. Just then his dad walked in. He asked his father where his Volkswagen was. His dad replied, “It’s right there behind the Mercedes. By the way, the Mercedes is from your mother.”

One day little Johny was playing in the mud. When his father came home Johny asked him if he could take a shower with him.

“Sure”, said his father.

When they were in the shower Johny asked his father “What’s that?”

His father said that it was his Chevrolet.

Little johny asked “what’s mine then?”

His father said that his was his toyota.

Johny did the same with his mother. She told him that her pussy was her garage.

That night a thunderstorm came through. Johny got scared and asked if he could sleep with his parents. They said yes and Johny jumped in bed.

Johny’s father said “Move over son, I’m gonna put my Chevrolet in your mothers garage.”

Little Johny said “Sorry dad, but I already have my toyota in there.”

Two girls and a guy are trespassing in a farmers field, and the farmer catches them, and decides to take them to court. During the next month, they go to court, and the farmers lawyer asks the first girl.

“What were you doing during the time you was inside that field.”

The girl replies… “i was blowing bubbles.”

The next girl was asked the exact same question, and she replied:

“Blowing bubbles”

The lawyer then goes on to the man and says “let me guess, you were blowing bubbles too.”

And the man replies:

“No, i am bubbles!”

Ever wonder why ABCDEF are used to define bra sizes?

A – Almost Boobs

B – Barely there

C – Can Do

D – Damn good

E – Enormous

F – Fake

The big-game hunter walked into the bar and bragged to everyone about his skills as a hunter. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that he could recognize any animals skin by feeling it, and he could tell what caliber rifle was used to shoot it by locating the bullet hole.

This was a bit too much for the other customers, and soon a heated argument started. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and the bet was on. They blindfolded him and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced, “Springbok.” Then he felt for the bullet hole and declared, “And it was shot with a .22 rifle.”

He was right! The others could not believe it and the argument was even hotter than before. When someone suggested that he must have peeped, he said that he was prepared to do it again for another round. So they blindfolded him again, very thoroughly this time, and they brought a skin that someone happened to have in the trunk of his car.

He took a bit longer this time and then said, “Kalahari Lion.” Fingering the bullet hole, he added, “The rifle was a .308.”

He was right again! This only made the crowd more curious, and he had to prove his skills over and over again, every time winning a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, bombed out of his mind, and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. So he said to his wife, “Listen, I know I was drunk last night, but not too drunk to know that I didnt get into a fight. So where did I get this black eye?”

His wife replied angrily, “From me!”

“What did I do?” he asked.

She replied, “You got into bed and put your hand inside my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and announced, ‘Skunk, killed with an ax!’”