Encyclopedia of Humor

While working on a lesson in world religions, a kindergarten teacher asked her students to bring something related to their family’s faith to class.

At the appropriate time she asked the students to come forward and share with the rest of the students.

The first child said, “I am Muslim and this is my prayer rug.”

The second child said, “I am Jewish and this is my Star of David.”

The third child said, “I am Catholic and this is my rosary.”

The final child said, “I am Southern Baptist and this is my casserole dish.”

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn’t believe in Heaven or Hell.

“Marry him anyway dear.” the Mother said. “Between the two of us, we’ll show him just how wrong he is.”

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy, “Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?”

The guy replies, “I’m Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, “Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn. He stands erect and booms out, “I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary’s for the last forty-three years.”

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, “Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven.”

“Just a minute,” says the minister. “That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?”

“Up here, we work by results,” says Saint Peter. “While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed.”

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, “My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.”

The second boy says, “That’s nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.”

Little Johnny says, “I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon.and it takes eight people to collect all the money!”

An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.

“Oh my goodness,” says the old lady, “what is happening?”

“Don’t worry about that,” says St. Peter, “It’s only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings.”

The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.

“Oh my goodness,” says the old lady, “now what is happening?”

“Not to worry,” says St.Peter, “they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo.”

Shaking her head, the old lady says, “I can’t do this. I’m off down to hell.”

“You can’t go there,” says St. Peter, “You’ll be raped and sodomized.”

“Sure” says the old lady, “but I’ve already got the holes for that!”