Encyclopedia of Humor

While stumbling we can often find some Stumbleupon related images that keep coming up.

Most of them are productivity related. Here is one.

Bill Gates, the founder of Microsoft decided to retire.
Here is what Jon Swift says about it:

”

• Any new Gates will be backward compatible with the old one
• Even if he announced it some while back, there were delays and it was postponed many time
• He could have been retired prematurely before solving all the bugs. They could decide to go to a retire beta testing phase to solve the bugs. They could announce Retirement 2.0, and the new new bugs will be solved in Retirement 2.0 SE
• The entire retirement process may be scrapped and a new retirement process may be started from scratch. This retirement process may then be abandoned after a year and Microsoft would go back to the first retirement process.
• While some fear that Gates’ retirement might spark a mass exodus of talent from Microsoft, this will probably not happen soon. More than likely his retirement package will become so bloated that it will hog most of Microsoft’s resources. This will make it difficult for others to retire while Gates is retiring.
• His retirement may be delayed by CEOs of other companies trying to retire. They may complain that Gates has an unfair monopoly on retirement. At this point the Justice Department may have to get involved to analyze the impact of his retirement on the CEOs of other companies. The European Union may decree that he cannot retire.
• Other companies may also complain that the “look and feel” of Gates’ retirement package is eerily similar to the retirement packages of their CEOs, which might cause some delays while this is litigated. Microsoft will claim that any apparent similarities are superficial.
• Gates’ retirement may cause Microsoft’s stock to crash causing you to lose any profits that you have not saved. Don’t worry. This is a normal part of the retirement process. In the future you may want to save your profits more often in case the stock crashes again. Microsoft will not be responsible for any profits lost.
• Gates’ retirement is going to be a very slow process. Get up, make yourself a cup of coffee. Make yourself two cups of coffee. Chances are when you get back to your desk, Gates still won’t be retired. In fact, the entire retirement process may get hung up and have to be restarted again from the beginning.

” End of quote.
Seen it at zoso, from spinei

Bubba was bragging to his boss one day, “You know, I know everyone there is to know.
Just name someone, anyone, and I know them.”

Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, “OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?”

“Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it. ” So Bubba and his boss
fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door, and sure enough, Tom Cruise
shouts, “Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me
for lunch!”

Although impressed, Bubba’s boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s
house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba’s knowing Cruise was just lucky.

“No, no, just name anyone else,” Bubba says.

“President Clinton,” his boss quickly retorts.

“Yes,” Bubba says, “I know him, let’s fly out to Washington.”

And off they go. At the White House, Clinton spots Bubba on the tour and motions
him and his boss over, saying, “Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to
a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of coffee first
and catch up.”

Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced.

After they leave the White house grounds, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who
again implores him to name anyone else.

“The Pope,” his boss replies. “Sure!” says Bubba. “My folks are from Poland, and
I’ve known the Pope a long time.”

So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in
Vatican Square when Bubba says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s
eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just
go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.” And he disappears
into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.

Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But
by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is
surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to his boss’ side, Bubba asks him, “What happened?”

His boss looks up and says, “I was doing fine until you and the Pope came out on
the balcony and the man next to me said, “Who’s that on the balcony with Bubba?”