Encyclopedia of Humor

Jack goes to the doctor and says “Doc I’m having trouble getting my
penis erect, can you help me?”

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, “Well the
problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your penis
are damaged. There’s really nothing I can do for you except if
you’re willing to try an experimental treatment.”

Jack asks sadly, “What is this treatment?” “Well,” the doctor
explains, “what we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a
baby elephant and implant them in your penis.”

Jack thinks about it silently then says, “Well the thought of going
through life without ever having sex again is too much, lets go for
it.”

A few weeks after the operation Jack was given the green light to
use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his
girl friend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the
city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs
that continued to the point of being uncomfortable.

To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His penis immediately
sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a
dinner roll and then returned to his pants.

His girl friend was stunned at first but then said with a sly smile,
“That was incredible! Can you do that again?”

Jack replied, “Well, I guess so, but I’m not sure I can fit another
dinner roll up my ass!”

A young lesbian goes to her gynecologist for her yearly pelvic
examination. She puts on the paper gown and awaits him to come into
the exam room. He instructs her to get up onto the table and place
her feet in the stirrups.

As he is examining her she hears him saying “mmmm… mmmhmmm”. He
completes the examination, instructs her to dress and then meet him
in his office when she is done.

In his office she asks him if there was anything unusual that he
observed during the exam because she could not help but hear his
non-verbal comments.

“Oh, that” he says.” I was just admiring you. You have the cleanest
vaginal area that I have ever seen in all my years of practice.”

The young woman proudly smiled and replied, “Why thank you! I have a
woman come in twice a week and clean it!”

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

“What happened to you feet?” his wife asked.
“I had a childhood disease called tolio.”

“Don’t you mean polio?”
“No, tolio, it only affects the toes.”

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

“What happened to your knees?” she asked.
“Well, I also had kneesles.”

“Don’t you mean measles?”
“No, kneesles, it only affects the knees.”

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said…
“Don’t tell me, you also had smallcox!”

Harry was delighted when he found a young woman who accepted his proposal of marriage as he was sensitive about his wooden leg and a bit afraid no one would have him. In fact, he couldn`t bring himself to tell his fiancee` about his leg when he slipped the ring on her finger, nor when she bought the dress, nor when they picked the time and place. All he kept saying was, “Darling, I`ve got a big surprise for you,” at which she blushed and smiled bewitchingly.

The wedding night came and went, and the young couple were at last alone in their hotel room. “Now don`t forget, Harry, you promised me a big surprise,” said the bride.

Unable to say a word, Harry turned out the lights, unstrapped his wooden leg, slipped into bed, and placed his wife`s hand on the stump.

“Hmmmmm,” she said softly, “that IS a surprise. But pass me the Vaseline and I`ll see what I can do!”

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A DICTATOR!!