Encyclopedia of Humor

How many Kentucky basketball fans does it take to roof a house?

Three, if you slice them really thin.

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

Quattro sinko.

Why can’t girls play hockey?

Because they have to change their pads every period!

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field!

About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line. He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat.

As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, “Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?” The man said “No.”

Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, “This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!”

The man replied, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven’t been to together since we got married in 1967.”

“That’s really sad,” said Bob, “but still, couldn’t you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?”

“No,” the man replied, “they’re all at the funeral!”

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning at the
third tee (par 3, 185 yards, slight dog leg to left, water hazard on
the right) while a particularly slow group of golfers were flailin away ahead of them.

Engineer: What’s with these guys? We’ve been waiting for 15 minutes!
Doctor: I don’t know but I’ve never seen such ineptitude!
Priest: Hey, here comes the green keeper. Let’s have a word with him.

Priest: Hi George. Say George, what’s with that group ahead of us?
They’re rather slow, aren’t they?
George: Oh yes. That’s a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight while saving our club house last year, so we let them play here anytime free of charge!

Doctor: Wow! Thanks for the scoop George.
Priest: That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.
Doctor: Good idea. And I’m going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.

After a short pause …
Engineer: Why can’t these guys play at night!