Encyclopedia of Humor

1 Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what hed like to eat. “Ill have some fuckin French toast,” he says. The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. “Well, I guess that leaves more fuckin French toast for me,” he says. She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast. “I dont know,” he says meekly, “but I definitely dont want the fuckin French toast.” Read More…

1. Post Office just recalled their newest stamps:
They had pictures of IRS agents on them, and people couldn’t figure out
which side to spit on.

2. How are an apple and a I.R.S. agent alike?
They both look good hanging from a tree. Read More…

To: Internal Revenue Service, Department of the Treasury Washington, DC 20001

Enclosed is my 2003 Form 1040, together with payment. Please take note of the attached article from USA Today archives. In the article, you will note that the Pentagon paid $171.50 each for hammers and NASA paid $600.00 each for toilet seats.

Please find enclosed in this package four toilet seats (value $2,400.00) and six hammers (value $1,029.00). This is in payment for my total tax due of $3,429.00.

Out of a sense of patriotic duty, and to assist in the political purification of our government, I am also enclosing a 1.5 inch Phillips head screw, for which HUD duly recorded and approved a purchase value of $22.00, as my contribution to fulfill the Presidential Election Fund option on Form 1040.

It has been a pleasure to pay my taxes this year, and I look forward to paying them again next year in accordance with officially established government values.

Sincerely,
Another satisfied taxpayer

1. The tax advisor had just read the story of Cinderella to his four-year-old daughter for the first time. The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up, “Daddy, when the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a long-term capital gain?”
Read More…

There was a sandwich machine in a Swedish factory. Sven didn’t quite understand what the machine was about though. He went to the machine and paid his ten kroners and got one sandwich. He was so excited, and paid another ten to the machine and received another sandwich. Finally he had a huge pile of sandwiches.
Another worker was wondering what Sven was doing:
- “Sven, don’t you think you should stop now?”
- “What the hell are you babbling about?! I am just starting to win big!”