An airline pilot hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a “Thanks for flying ABC airline.” He had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for this little old lady walking with a cane. She said, “Sonny, mind if I ask you a question?” “Why no, Ma’am,” said the pilot, “what is it?” The little old lady said, “Did we land or were we shot down?”
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a
comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 123, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!”
Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back
on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if
I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!”
A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the
back of mine!”
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?”
“That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”
A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in Latin America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.
“This temple is 2503 years old”, replies the guide.
Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure.
“Easy”, replies the guide, “the archaeologists said the temple was 2500 years old, and that was three years ago.”
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An FAA Inspector walked into a doctor’s office with a frog on his head.The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?”
And the frog said, “Take this wart off my butt.”
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