The German controllers at Frankfurt Airport were often short-tempered. They not only expected you to know your parking location but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some amusement that we (PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between Frankfurt ground and a British Airways 747 (radio call Speedbird 206) after landing.
Speedbird 206: “Good morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of the active.”
Ground: “Guten morgan, taxi to your gate.”
The British Airways 747 pulls onto the main taxiway and stops.
Ground: “Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?”
Speedbird 206: “Stand by, ground, I’m looking up the gate location now.”
Ground (with typical German impatience): “Speedbird 206, have you never flown to Frankfurt before?”
Speedbird 206 (coolly): “Yes, in 1944. But I didn’t stop.”
Passengers on a Lufthansa flight heard this announcement from the captain, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power to all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean.” The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation, but were somewhat comforted by the captain’s next announcement. “Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lufthansa have prepared for such an emergency, and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane, and all the swimmers are on the right side.”
After this announcement, all the passengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain’s request. Two minutes later, the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an announcement, “Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and quickly swim away from the plane. For all of the non-swimmers on the left side of plane… “Thank You For Flying Lufthansa.”
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A flight Attendant’s comment on a less than perfect landing:
“We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal.”
Another flight Attendant after a particularly bumpy flight:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seatbelts fastened while the Captain taxis what’s left of our airplane to the gate!”
“As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.” Read More…
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“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”
“We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane.
“Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately.” Read More…
A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.
The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs
have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big airplanes have baby airplanes?”
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the flight attendant.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant. The flight attendant, who was
very busy at the time, smiled and said, “Did your Mom tell you to ask me?”
The boy said, “Yes she did.”
“Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest
always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you.”
