Encyclopedia of Humor

Ed and Ted went to the fair. They came across a small crowd gathered around a stall and went over to take a look. “What’s going on?” Ed asked one of the crowd.

“We’re watching to see if some idiot can ride that bronco machine,” he said nodding towards a fearsome looking machine. “Nobody has managed to stay on for the full three minutes yet. And there’s a prize of $1000 for anybody who can.

“I can do that!” Ed said confidently.
“No you can’t,” said Ted.
“I sure as hell can!” said Ed.

“You’ll get yourself killed if you try and ride that monster,” said Ted.
“Watch this,” said Ed and climbed aboard the bronco machine.

The machine thrashed wildly, up and down, from side to side, around in circles but still a grim-faced Ed clung to its back. After two minutes the machine was bucking almost vertically and spinning until Ed was a blur. But when the three minutes were up Ed was still on the machine’s back acknowledging the cheers and cries from the small crowd.

He dismounted, collected his winnings and rejoined Ted. “Where in hell did you learn to ride a bucking bronco like that!?” Ted asked.

“Remember three months ago,” Ed said…
“When my wife had whooping cough…?”

But You Said You  Loved Me!

• When you pick up something off the floor, you have to lean on your putter
• The only number on your speed dial is 1-800-TEETIME.
• You have your priorities in order: food, shelter, greens fees, job.
• You dream you go to prison but still get conjugal visits with your driver.
• You tell the lost motorist that the gas station is only a par 4 away on the left.
• Youd like to take off your glove but hey, why bother?
• Whenever you see a hole in the ground, you squat, squint and read the line.
• Youre vaguely aware of living with a woman, allegedly your wife
• You ask the shopper ahead in the checkout line if you can play through.
• Before you pick up the salt shaker, you mark its position with a dime.

None of the much flaunted appeals of cigarette advertisers, such as superior taste and mildness, induces us to become smokers or to choose one brand in preference to another. Despite the emphasis put on such qualities by advertisers, they are minor considerations. This is one of the first facts we discovered when we asked several hundred people, from all walks of life, why they liked to smoke cigarettes. Smoking is as much a psychological pleasure as it is a physiological satisfaction. As one of our respondents explained: “It is not the taste that counts. It’s that sense of satisfaction you get from a cigarette that you can’t get from anything else.”