Encyclopedia of Humor

Condom Slogans

1. Cover your stump before you hump.
2. Before you attack her, wrap your rapper.
3. Don’t be silly, protect your willy.
4. When in doubt, shroud your spout.
5. Don’t be a loner, cover your boner.
6. You can’t go wrong if you shield your dong.
7. If you’re not going to sack it, go home and whack it.
8. If you think she’s spunky, cover your monkey.
9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.
10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.
11. She won’t get sick if you wrap your dick
12. If you go into heat, package your meat.
13. While you’re undressing venus, dress up that penis.
14. When you take off her pants and blouse, be sure to suit up your trouser mouse.
15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.
16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.
17. Don’t be a fool, vulcanize your tool.
18. The right selection! Protect your erection.
19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.
20. A crank with armor will never harm her.
21. If yo really love her, wear a cover.
22. Don’t make a mistake! Muzzle your snake.
23. Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener.
24. If you can’t shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket.
25. No glove, No love.
26. Don’t be in such a jiffy, cover your stiffy.
27. AIDS is no joke, be sure to wrap before you poke.
28. Even though you’re tired and sleepy, take the time to wrap your pee-pee.
29. You know you shouldy wear a condom on that woody.

A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center.

Man: “What are you doing here today?”

Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.”

Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.”

The woman looked thoughtful for a moment and they chatted some more before going their separate ways. Several months later, the same man and woman meet again in the donation center.

Man: “Oh, hi there! Here to donate blood again?”

Woman: [shaking her head with mouth closed] “Unh unh.”

This guy goes into a doctors and says, “Doctor, doctor you’ve gotta help me. I just can’t stop having sex!”

“Well how often do you have it?” the doctor asks.

“Well, twice a day I have sex with my wife, TWICE a day,” he answers back.

“That’s not so much,” says the doctor. “Yes, but that’s not all. Twice a day I have sex with my secretary, TWICE a day,” replies the man.

“Well that is probably a bit excessive,” says the doctor. “Yes, but that’s not all. Twice a day I have sex with a prostitute, TWICE a day,” says the man.

“Well, that’s definitely too much,” says the doctor. “You’ve got to learn to take yourself in hand.” “I do,” says the man. “Twice a day!”

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. The wife turns over and says, “I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.”

The husband, rejected but still quite horny, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.

This time he whispers in her ear, “Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?.”

Durex commercial – chocolate flavoured condoms