Encyclopedia of Humor

A man and a woman have just finished shagging when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman’s love tunnel.

‘Oh God!’ she screams. ‘Help me! There’s a bee up my vagina and it’s buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!’

‘Let’s go says her mate, I’ll rush you straight to hospital!’

On arrival at the emergency room the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor.
‘What seems to be the problem?’ he asks.

‘I’ve got a frigging bee up my vagina’ screams the woman. ‘Get it out!’

‘I see,’ says the doctor.’Well, there’s only one way to extract this bee. I’m going to have to spread honey on my nob and entice it out.’

The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick.

‘Just an inch or two should do it,’ he says.
After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says ‘Hmmm, it doesn’t seem to be biting. I’ll have to go deeper’ and slides it in all the way.

Suddenly he starts fondling her boobs with his hands, thrusting violently with his hips and moaning with what sounds like pleasure.

‘HOLD IT!’ says the boyfriend, ‘What are you doing?’

‘Change of plans!,’ shouts the doctor…
‘I’ve decided to drown the little bastard!’

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.

“People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

A doctor tells his patient -
“I’ve got some good news and I’ve got some bad news for you”.

So, the patient asks, “What’s the good news, Doc?”

And the doctor says, “They’re going to name a disease after you!”

While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk.”People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.”

“Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?”
They agreed this is a good idea. The first psychiatrist confesses, “I’m a compulsive shopper and deeply in debt, so I usually overbill my patients as often as I can.”

The second admits, “I have a drug problem that’s out of control, and I frequently pressure my patients into buying illegal drugs for me.”

The third psychiatrist says, “I know it’s wrong, but no matter how hard I try, I just can’t keep a secret.”

After her fifth child, Lucy decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery “down below” to restore herself to her former youthful glory.

Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with five children now being the limit, she’d tidy things with a nip here and a tuck there.

Following the operation she awoke from her anaesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed.

Who are these from ?” she asked the nurse, “They’re very nice but I’m a bit confused as to why I’ve received them.”

“Well” said the nurse, “The first is from the surgeon – the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that he wanted to say thanks.”

“Ahhh, thats really nice” said Lucy.

“The second is from your husband – he’s delighted the operation was such a success that he can’t wait to get you home. Apparently it’ll be the first time he’s touched the sides for years and he’s very excited!”

“Brilliant!” said Lucy. “And the third?”

“Thats from Eric in the burns unit” said the nurse.
“He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears!”