Encyclopedia of Humor

What was the pirate movie rated?

ARRRRRRR

What did the salad say when the cabbage interrupted their meal? Lettuce alone!

Boy #1: Hey! Didja know that my grandfather was once face-to-face with a panther? Boy #2: That’s nothing! My granny was once face-to-face with a lion! It was drooling…coming closer…closer…

Boy #1: Gosh! What’d she do?

Boy #2: She moved away from the cage!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Apple had a new computer under development. Their project name for it was “Carl Sagan” (I don’t know why).

When the real Carl Sagan learned about this, he was upset. He demanded that Apple stop using his name, even for their private, internal projects.

Apple agreed. They changed the name of the project to “Butthead Astronomer”.

An artist, a lawyer, and a computer scientist are discussing the merits of a mistress.

The artist tells of the passion, the thrill which comes with the risk of being discovered.
The lawyer warns of the difficulties. It can lead to guilt, divorce, bankruptcy. Not worth it. Too many problems.

The computer scientist says “It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. My wife thinks I’m with my mistress. My mistress thinks I’m home with my wife, and I can spend all night on the computer!”