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One day, a man walked into the dentist”s office for some dental work.

The dentist said, “Sir, you have a tooth I must pull, What type of pain killer would you like?”

The man looked at the dentist and said, “None, thanks, I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life.”

The dentist said, “Sir, pulling this tooth Will be painful, I suggest a painkiller.”
The man looked back at the dentist and said, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, Nothing else will ever compare.”

The dentist said, “Sir, I”m telling you, use a painkiller.”

The man again said to the dentist, “I have experienced the second greatest pain in my life, I do not need painkillers, now pull the tooth.”

The dentist then said, “Okay, You asked for it, But first, tell me what was the second greatest pain in your life?”

The man said, “Yes, I remember it well. I was hunting in some woods north of here one snowy day. Walking through the woods, the urge came upon me and I headed over to a tree. Well, I started to do my thing, and when the first part dropped, It set off a large bear trap that was hidden in the snow that closed on my balls. That was the second greatest pain in my life”

The dentist then said, “Ouch! But then what was the first greatest pain in your life?”

The man replied, “When I reached the end of the chain.”

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There was this woman who was desperate to meet a companion.

She went to single bars, singles dances etc., but she could never meet anyone who would go on a date with her, much less sleep with her. So in her desperation she went to see a sex doctor, named Dr. Chang.

She asked Dr. Chang, “Doctor, please help me find out what’s wrong with me!”

So Dr. Chang said, “Take off all yu cwothes.” So she did.
Then he said, “Now, get on yu hands and knees and crawl weal fas away frum me, den craw weal fas back to me.” So the young lady did.

Dr. Chang looked at her said, “I know what wong with yu…
Yu got weal bad case of Zachary disease!”

The lady asked, “What the heck is that?!”

Dr. Chang replied, “Dat’s wen yu face lok zachary like yur butt”!

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I was twelve before I realized I could cough without having a doctor hold my balls!

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Obesity has been getting a lot of bad press recently. Research conducted entirely by thin people, has uncovered justification for their own masochistic obsessive-compulsive, fun-killing anal retentative lifestyles.

One of the great problems with research, of course, is that the researchers tend to find what they’re looking for. And when they find it, they stop looking for other things. It’s important, therefore, not to believe research by pressure groups that start with preconceived ideas.

Examples of findings not to believe: research on the benefits of exercise by phys. Ed. Department, on the hazards of cholesterol by an anorexic and on the joy of obesity by an overweight G. P. The whole obesity phobia was started by some statistics from a life insurance company purporting to show that people who were overweight didn’t live as long as people who were underweight. These were very raw figures and led to some unwarranted conclusions.

First, it was assumed that if the overweight group lost weight they’d live longer. This was totally unproved. It never will be proved, as there are just not enough people to study who’ve lost weight permanently. [95% of those who lose weight gain it back again within 5 years -ed] [and the yo-yo effect of losing then gaining many pounds repeatedly causes a greater health risk than staying overweight. -ed]

Second, it did not address the possibility that the obese group might have another factor affecting lifespan. It seems this is very likely, since the Framington Study showed that if diabetics and those with heart disease were removed from the obese group, the obese group lived longer.

Let’s list some benefits of obesity:

Overeating Is Fun. Make a list of all the pleasures that are in this life and you’ll find the list isn’t very long. The one pleasure that’s life-long and never pales is eating.

Carrying Fat Is Good Exercise. If you believe in exercise (I don’t), surely carrying around 20 or 30 pounds of fat all day should be good for you.

Obese People Are Nicer People. This is not just a hasty remark, but the result of careful clinical observation. I’ve seen an average of 20 patients a day for 30 years. I can tell you that these people are more jolly, more kind, more forgiving and just generally nicer. Although it could be the other way round, losing weight and keeping it off, is so rare that only obsessive-compulsives are able to do it. This may be admirable, but obsessive-compulsives aren’t relaxing people to be with. [I agree. Really thin and athletic people are that way usually from a driving goal-oriented personality. In short, they are assholes. -ed.]

Obese People Represent Superior Adaptation. In days gone by, there were many advantages to being able to convert excess food into fat. The long winters were better survived by those with a reserve of calories.

Climatic Adaptation. Obese people can survive cold better. In particular, their cold-water survival ability has been demonstrated many times.

Obese People Make Better Lovers. This is a fact known to romantics the world over. Bony lovers can never compete with what G.K. Chesterston referred to as the “promise of pneumatic bliss.”

Anorexia, a terrible condition, is rare among obese people.
Those who consider the highly trained athlete to be the ideal human might want to consider the greatest duration runner of the animal kingdom, the pronghorn antelope of Wyoming. It can run 95km/h for an hour. It has tremendous lungs, an amazing cardiac output and a maximum oxygen uptake that might deplete the Earth’s resources. So why didn’t this marvel of nature become a widespread species? Since these antelopes have no body fat, and can standneither cold nor lack or food, few survive the Wyoming winter.

Think about it.

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This chick walks into a doctors surgery and the nurse tells her to take off her clothes and that the doctor will be with her in a minute so she does.

The doctor walks in and take off his coat and starts to feel between her thighs. He asks “do you know what I’m doing now” and she replies “your checking for menopause” and he says “very good”.

Then he starts feeling her tits and he asks her “do you know what I’m doing now” and she says “checking for breast cancer” and he says “very good”.

Then He jumps on her and starts rooting her and asks if she knows what
he’s doing know and she replies “contracting genital herpes cause thats why I came to see you”

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