Encyclopedia of Humor

Whole family crowds around, including screaming babies and noisy pets; to the tune of “Frere Jacques”:

We’re not here now,
We’re not here now,
Don’t hang up,
Don’t hang up,
Leave your name and number,
Leave your name and number,
We’ll call back,
We’ll call back.

Q: Why did the golfer wear 2 pairs of pants?

A: Just in case he got a hole-in-one!

1: Hey, would you get the phone?

2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!

1: Well, I’m on the computer right now, so will you get it?

2: I’m in the bathroom, and besides, you’re closer anyway!

1: Nicole, you always pull this garbage when it’s your turn to get it!

2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!

1: Hi, you’ve reached Bob and Faisal’s room.

2: (Background:) What are you doing?

1: I’m recording an answering machine message.

2: But we’re here right now.

1: But we might not be here later.

2: Oh. (To phone:) Leave a message.

Steve: Hello. Steve and Matt aren’t here right now, but if…

Matt: Steve, what are you doing?

Steve: I’m leaving a phone message since we aren’t here.

Matt: But you left the last one — it’s my turn.

Steve: No, I’m sure it’s my turn.

Matt: No, you’re wrong. It’s definitely my turn.

Steve: You fool, I know it’s… Wait… Matt… What are you doing with that frying pan? (BONK… THUD)

Matt: Steve is out right now, so please leave your name and number.