Encyclopedia of Humor

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning.One woman in particular loses it.
Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane “I’m too young to die!” she wails “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”For a moment, there is silence.
Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.
Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time No one moves.The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches.
He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:”Iron this.”

“Air Force ’45, it appears your engine has…oh, disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”

“Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I’ll quit calling you twin Cessna.”

“About three miles ahead, you’ve got traffic 12 o’clock, five miles.”

“If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor.”

“I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me.”

“You’re gonna have to key the mic. I can’t see you when you nod your head.”

“It’s too late for Louisville. We’re going back to O’Hare.”

“Put your compass on ‘E’ and get out of my airspace.”

“Don’t anybody maintain anything.”

“Climb like your life depends on it…because it does.”

“If you want more room, captain, push your seat back.”

“For radar identification, throw your jumpseat rider out the window.”

“Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..” “OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!”

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty. The pilot of the 727 complained, “Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?” Without missing a beat the controller replied, “Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!”

Whiy is six afraid of seven?
Because seven eight nine!

“Air Force ’45, it appears your engine has…oh, disregard…I see you’ve already ejected.”

“Citation 123, if you quit calling me Center, I’ll quit calling you twin Cessna.”

“About three miles ahead, you’ve got traffic 12 o’clock, five miles.”

“If you hear me, traffic no longer a factor.”

“I am way too busy for anybody to cancel on me.”

“You’re gonna have to key the mic. I can’t see you when you nod your head.”

“It’s too late for Louisville. We’re going back to O’Hare.”

“Put your compass on ‘E’ and get out of my airspace.”

“Don’t anybody maintain anything.”

“Climb like your life depends on it…because it does.”

“If you want more room, captain, push your seat back.”

“For radar identification, throw your jumpseat rider out the window.”

“Hello flight 56, if you hear me rock your wings..” “OK TOWER, IF YOU HEAR ME ROCK THE TOWER!!”

The controller working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty. The pilot of the 727 complained, “Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?” Without missing a beat the controller replied, “Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!”

1. The doctor because he says, “Take off your clothes”

2. The dentist because he says, “Open Wide”

3. The hairdresser because he says, “Do you want it teased or blown”

4. The milkman because he says, “Do you want it in the front or in back?”

5. The Interior Decorator because he says, “Once you have it all in, you’ll love it!”

6. The banker because he says,”If you take it out too soon, you’ll lose interest”

7. The police officer because he says, “Spread ‘em”

8. The mailman because he always delivers his package.

9. The pilot because he takes off fast and then slows down.

10. The hunter because he always goes deep in the bush, shoots twice and always eats what he shoots.