Encyclopedia of Humor

Two hobbyists get into their balloon for an excursion. After a while, the wind unexpectedly picks up, and the balloon goes out of control. The two balloonists, with great effort, manage to keep the balloon stable, upright, and away from power lines. But they are lost. With more effort, they get the balloon near the ground. While floating over a country road, they see a man walking below. One of the balloonists calls down to him:

“We’re lost! Can you tell us where we are?”

The man thinks for a while, looks down, looks up, looks down again, stares into space for a minute, and then cries out:

“You’re in a balloon!”

The wind picks up, and the balloon floats off. After a moment, one balloonist says to the other:

“That man must be a manager.”

“Why?”

“Three reasons. First, he took a long time to answer. Second, he was perfectly correct. Third, his answer was perfectly useless!”

Definition: A manager is a person who thinks that nine women can produce a child in one month.
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Robots: Our Steel Collar Workers.
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Q: What’s the difference between Xerox and the Titanic?

A: The Titanic had a band.
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Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A: A dependent Claus.
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Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors?

A: A superior being.
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Q: What is the difference between big foot and a socially responsible banker?

A: Big foot has been sighted.
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Q: Why did the bank drive-up window teller have tire tread marks across the back of his grey suit?

A: From crawling across the street when the sign said: “Don’t Walk.”
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Q: How do you confuse a bank teller?

A: Give him a bag of M&M’s and tell him to alphabetize them.
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Q: Why is a BMW a banker’s favorite car?

A: Because he can’t spell Porsche.
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Anti-trust laws should be approached with exactly that attitude
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If bankers can count, how come the average bank has 10 windows and only four tellers?

The population of the United States was 180 million at the time of writing, but there are 64 million over 60 years of age, leaving 116 million to do the work.

People under 21 total 59 million which leaves 57 million people to do the work.

Because of the 31 million government employees, there are only 26 million left to do the work.

Six million in the armed forces leave twenty million workers.

Deduct 17 million State, county, and city employees, and we are left with three million to do the work.

There are 2,500,000 people in hospitals, asylums, and treatment facilities leaving half a million workers.

However, 450,000 of these are bums or others who will not work, leaving 50,000 to do the work.

Now, it may interest you to know that there are 49,998 people in jail so that leaves just 2 people to do all the work, and that is you and me, and I’m getting tired of doing everything myself!

The Equation

Engineers and scientists will never make as much money as business executives. Now a rigorous mathematical proof has been developed that explains why this is true:

Postulate 1: Knowledge is Power.

Postulate 2: Time is Money.

As every engineer knows,

Work = Power * Time

Since Knowledge = Power, and Time = Money, we have:

Work = Knowledge * Money

Solving for Money, we get:

Work
Money = ———-
Knowledge

Thus, as Knowledge decreases, Money increases, regardless of how much Work is done.

Conclusion: The Less you Know, the More you Make.

Note: It has been speculated that the reason why Bill Gates dropped out of Harvard’s math program was because he stumbled upon this proof as an undergraduate, and dedicated the rest of his career to the pursuit of ignorance.

NO ZAMBODIANS, PLEASE: Judge Rules Out Prince Mongo’s Costume

MEMPHIS, Tenn. – A judge has ruled that a defendant can’t show up for trial wearing fur, bones, goggles and pale green body paint, even if he is from the planet Zambodia.

But an attorney for the man who calls himself Prince Mongo wants to make a federal case out of his client’s 10-day jail sentence for contempt of court. Slug PM-Prince Mongo. New, may stand. Federal court hearing starts at 1 p.m. EDT.