Encyclopedia of Humor

GET OUT YOUR ‘PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS’

WASHINGTON – When is a pencil not a pencil? When it’s on a Pentagon shopping list – then it’s a ”portable hand-held communications inscriber,” says a Republican senator.

In 1967, the Soviet Government minted a beautiful silver ruble with Lenin in a very familiar pose – arms raised above him, leading the country to revolution. But, it was clear to everybody, that if you looked at it from behind, it was clear that Lenin was pointing to 11:00, when the Vodka shops opened, and was actually saying, “Comrades, forward to the Vodka shops.”

It became fashionable, when one wanted to have a drink, to take out the ruble and say, “Oh my goodness, Comrades, Lenin tells me we should go.”

A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:

Dear Grandmother,

I’m sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday.

With love,
Mike

“Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction”

I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:

“Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction”.

Los Angeles Times, November 24:

Banning, Blythe and Barstow no longer qualify as “distressed” cities under federal guidelines, nor do Adelanto, Lake Elsinore, or Loma Linda.

But Beverly Hills does.

According to a new U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development list, Beverly Hills can apply for about $56 million a year in business development grants reserved for small cities suffering “physical and economic distress.”