Encyclopedia of Humor

Pigeons season.

A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.

“Our flag symbolizes our taxes,” he said. “We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them.”

“That’s the same with us,” the American said, “only we see stars, too.”

An old Native American wanted a loan for $500. He approached his local banker. The banker pulled out the loan application, asking, “What are you going to do with the money?”

“Take jewelry to city and sell it,” said the old man.

“What have you got for collateral?” queried the banker, going strictly by the book.

“Don’t know of collateral.”

“Well that’s something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?”

“Yes, I have a 1949 Chevy pickup.”

The banker shook his head, “How about livestock?”

“Yes, I have a horse.”

“How old is it?”

“I don’t know; it has no teeth.”

Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan.

Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, “Here’s the money to pay loan,” he said, handing the entire amount including interest.

“What are you going to do with the rest of that money?”

“Put it in my pocket.”

“Why don’t you deposit it in my bank?” he asked.

“I don’t know of deposit.”

“Well, you put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it.”

The old Indian leaned across the desk, looking suspiciously at the banker, and asked, “What you got for collateral?”

An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.

He then asked, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”

Nobody answered him.

He then asked again, “Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”

Again nobody answered.

The old Indian said, “I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish.” So the Indian asked again,

“Who push port-a-potty over cliff?”

To which the littlest Indian replied, “I push port-a-potty over cliff.”

The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, “Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?”

The old Indian replied, “Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!”

When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him a perch near the American flag. Later, Jose wrote home enthusiastically about his experience. “And the Americans, they are so friendly!” he concluded. “Before the game started, they all stood up and looked at me and sang, …. ‘Jose, can you see?’”