Encyclopedia of Humor

O’Connell was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet running down his leg.

“Please, God,” he implored, “let it be blood!”

An Irishman, a black guy, and a white guy were driving through the desert when they suddenly ran out of gas. They all decided to start walking to the nearest town (which they had passed 50 miles back) to get some help.

A rancher was sitting on his front porch that evening when he saw the white guy top the horizon and walk toward him. The rancher noticed that the white guy was carrying a glass of water, so when he was within hearing distance, the rancher said, “Hi there…what are you doing carring a glass of water through the desert?”

The white guy explained his predicament and explained that since he had a long way to go, he might get thirsty, so that’s why he was carrying the water.

A little while later the rancher noticed the black guy walking toward him with a loaf of bread in his hand. “What are you doing?” asked the rancher again.

As before, the black guy explained the situation and said that since he had a long way to go, he might get hungry and that’s why he had the bread.

Finally the Irishman appeared, dragging a car door through the sand. More curious than ever, the rancher asked, “Hey, why are you dragging that car door?”

“Well,” he said, “I have a long way to go, so if it gets too hot, I’ll roll down the window.”

There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in.

After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life.

‘I’m fine, ‘ Angus said. ‘But there are some really strange people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.’

‘Well, ma laddie,’ says his mother, ‘I suggest you don’t associate with people like that.’

‘Oh,’ says Angus, ‘I don’t, Mam, I don’t. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing my bagpipes.’

Flickr photos, 1 year ago.