Encyclopedia of Humor

A duck walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No” so the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day, goes up to the bartender, and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No” so the duck leaves.
The next day the duck comes back again. He goes up to the bartender and says “Got any grapes?”
The bartender says “Look duck. We don’t have any grapes today, we didn’t have any yesterday, and we definitely won’t have any tomorrow. If you come back in here and ask for grapes again, I’m going to nail your webbed feet to the floor.”
So the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day, goes up to the bartender and asks “Got any nails?” The bartender says “No.” Then the duck says “Oh good. Got any grapes?”

1. In France, everybody stops for lunch from 11am to 3pm. During these hours it is illegal to operate machinery.

2. It is essential to say ‘Bonjour Monsieur/Madame’ when entering shops. If you do not do this the owner can legally throw you out their shop.

3. Drink driving is not illegal, and is encouraged in some areas.

4. The French driving test is very simple and basically involves driving a car in a straight line.

5. The French are serious about the onion, which is considered to be holy. Some churches hold onion festivals.

6. The police (Gendarmes) are not there to help you. Do not call them, they will probably arrest you, unless you speak French.

7. Wearing a beret in certain towns can be used as a signal to show you are a homosexual.

8. It is illegal to call a pig Napoléon, or Jean-Pierre.

9. In the small town of Chalon-sur-Saône, it is against the law to wear frilly underwear on Sundays.

10. Adultery is encouraged and couples often stray from their partners, often with animals.

Flickr photo, 1 year ago

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, “What’s your name and address?”

“I’m Paddy O’Day, of no fixed address.” The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. “I’m Seamus O’Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy.”