Encyclopedia of Humor

A blonde went to the emergency room with the tip of her left index finger blown off.

“How did this happen?” the doctor asked.
“Well I was trying to commit suicide,” the blonde replied.

“Trying to commit suicide by shooting your finger?”

“No silly! First I put the gun to my chest and I thought, “I just paid $6,000 for these,” then I put it in my mouth and I thought, “I just paid $4,000 to get my teeth straightened.”

So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought, “this is going to make a loud noise,” so I put my finger in my ear before I pulled the trigger?”

A blonde goes to a doctor and tells him that both her ears are burnt.
‘Sit down and tell me how it happened,’ said the doctor.

‘Well, I was ironing my clothes when I received a phone call, and instead of picking the phone, I picked up the iron and burnt my ear!’

‘Okay, I see…But that’s one ear – what about the other?’

‘They called again!!’

sk the following to a Blonde to see if she is a DUMB BLONDE or a smart blonde…yeah right…

1.Who do want to be most like in life:
A.Vanna White
B.Michelle Fiefer
C.Britney Spears
E.None of the Above

2.In a game of Hide-And-Go Seek, do you:
A.Run when you see the seeker
B.Stay hiding until the seeker finds you
C.Run when the seeker sees you
E.Follow the seeker quietly

3.What happens when you get Alzheimers Disease
A.You loose alot of weight
B.Gain weight
C.Get really smart
D.Loose your memory

4.How do you kill a bird:
A.Hit it
B.Throw it off a building
C.Cook it
D.All of the above

5.What’s an important question about pregnancy
A.Is it mine
B.How far along am I
C.Is it a boy or girl
D.What hospital should I go to for delivery

Don’t read them this part:

Results:
1.
A=5pts.
B=3pts.
C=2pts.
D=1pt.

2.
A=4
B=5
C=2
D=3

3.
A=4
B=3
C=5
D=1

4.
A=3
B=5
C=4
D=1

5.
A=5
B=1
C=3
D=2

TOTAL:
20 =Official Dumb Blonde; 15-19=Pretty Dumb; 10-14=Not Bad; 9-Smart for a Blonde

Did you hear about the blonde that got fired from the M&M factory? She threw away all the w’s

Once there was this brunette who was driving her corvette with the wind in her hair.

She looked and she saw a farmer with a flock of sheep so she drove over and asked the farmer “if I can guess how many sheep in you’re flock will you give me a sheep.”

The farmer says “OK”.

The brunette says “485″.

The farmer says “that’s right but if I can guess you’re natural hair color can I have my sheep back”.

the brunette says “OK”.

The farmer says “blonde”.

The brunette says how did you know.

The farmer says you just picked the dog.